A cup of tea... anyone?

I'm off and away to another semester!

Well... uni started on Monday. Wow! Where did hols go? And so... the uni routine begins. Bus, lectures (almost slept in my first lecture!), smirking at lecturers, random his and byes, bitching about tutors, assignments and tests (oh the horror!), cramming in libraries...

But, I'm excited! Excited on what God will do for this next half of the year!

And congrats to my brother for finally finishing!! You've done us proud! :D And my other brother for winning the premier award for IT! Yep, definitely I've missed out on the smart genes.

Camp has created alot of questions in me. Questions like whether I've let God used me to full potential or I've been rocking two boats, God's boat and my boat or I've allowed fear/negative thoughts to affect me or I've not been listening to his silent whisper or if I'm not obedient when He asked me to do something and I didn't do it. It also got me thinking about myself as a leader and whether I've done enough, whether I've cared for each one of them, and whether I've put my all in this.

Is it a good thing to have all these questions? I don't know. But, it has been bothering me lately. But, it's good to think about these things once in a while. I mean an occupied mind is better than a blank mind right? We're bound to face it when we see Jesus anyway!

And of course, I thought about him and how things are still the same as the start. It's killing definitely to think that I haven't done anything about it and always brushing it off to the side. I mean, I don't know what to do really! We've been avoiding each other throughout camp and it's not helping! The situation is still as awkward as ever! During ministry night, God was telling me to talk to him. Something inside me wanted to apologise to him for being so judgmental and misjudging him and carrying this angst against him.

But, I'm just scared.

It was the toughest night! I was debating whether to do it. I was trying to come up with ways to say it but God just said "GO! Just GO! What are u waiting for?" But as always, I couldn't bring myself to. I just couldn't! At one point, it got so overwhelmed! And I went to sleep that night, feeling very very disappointed with myself and asking God to forgive me for not putting His words into action. It was not a good feeling.

But, camp struck a core in me. Everything that Dr. Sarah Koh said related to me from relationship area to ministry area in terms of discouragement and feeling like no one appreciates what I'm doing and just feeling like I had enough, or I can't do this and just wanting to give up! I totally relate to it! It felt like the message was for me and only me! And God's presence was so strong. I cried when Charlene prayed for me. And... it was much needed tears, tears that sum up all the emotions I've been carrying.

I guess I'm now ready to conquer the next half of the year especially after all those crying, thinking, strategising, evaluating...