A cup of tea... anyone?

Yesterday I almost missed the bus. I was rushing (like always) and running to the bus stand and I saw the bus go by. Oh no! I'm going to miss it and I have to wait another 30 minutes for the next one! So... I ran faster. Then, the bus stopped. And I thought to myself, oh, maybe someone's coming off the bus. I can still catch it if I run faster. But, no one came off. The bus driver actually stopped to wait for me! Run faster Sally!! So... I ran and I got on the bus!

I'm very thankful for the bus driver. Coz normally they will just ignore u and stuff but this bus driver stopped and waited for me!! I feel very very very special after that. It felt good. This made me think about our BS topic. Like the bus driver, God will always wait for us, we just have to run to catch him!!

And, yesterday was our last BS. People asked me if it's a relief? No, I don't feel relief. It feels so sad. Where did time go? I had fun leading BS, despite how hard it was. I guess it comes from my (inner secret) love to teach. I love all our discussions despite sometimes it can get quite intense with overly opinionated people but that's what I love about each and everyone of them. I love spending time with my cell. And to think we're almost half way to the end makes me feel sad.

But... what if I don't want to be the shepherd? What if I'm not capable of being the shepherd?

Lord, why did I even bother? WHY WHY WHY did I even bother? when no one even cares! No one even appreciate my efforts!!! It's really pointless.... Why should I even care? when no one gives a damn about what I'm doing!! When everything I'm doing means nothing! Complete utter nothing!! It just infuriates me that no one seems to care when I'm putting so much in! I feel like an idiot. I should just keep quiet and do nothing.

God: Sally, THEY are YOUR sheep. Each and everyone of them are YOUR sheep and YOU'RE the shepherd. They require YOUR care, YOUR love, YOUR guidance. U HAVE to care for them. And a split second, a picture of eerie, dark forest scene with scary trees flashed in my head. And in it was a lost, scared sheep. God asked me, what are u going to do now? YOU'VE been given the role of a shepherd. YOU are supposed to look after them! How are they going to look after themselves?

Sometimes, I hate it when You talk sense into me but it's ALL I needed to hear. Ah wait, lemme rephrase the title: Sheep BELONGS to the shepherd.

My heart still beats when I see him. Oh, wait.

Correction, my heart beats TWICE when I see him. And surprisingly, it feels mighty good to just see him. His beautiful tanned skin, amazing hair, great arms, looking so handsome as always. It feels good even though he doesn't know who I am or barely remembers me.

When he walked passed me, I swear my heart would stop. And and... how bout that moment where our eyes met in accident, I swear deep down inside I was jumping with joy. Just to see him face-to-face and eye-to-eye is everything I could ever wished for! I cannot help but smile a minute later. OMG.... he looked at me with his gorgeous eyes!! I swear that moment was the best 10 seconds of my life! Omg. Did I blushed?? I think I did. :X

Oh boy... I sound like a love struck teenager coz I am!!! It's amazing how I still like him after all this while. But, surprisingly, this isn't torturous at all, to love someone in secret and someone who doesn't even know who you are. I feel happy to love someone, especially someone like him. It's worth the love. I just feel on top of the World and I don't know why.

Ah well, sometimes, some things don't have to have a reason and this one thing is called love. <3

I'm a girl. I'm allowed to cry right?

So many things are on my mind now.

Analyzing how bible study went just now
Why he's still not talking to me
Thinking of how to appeal my (horrible) exam dates
Assignment on Friday that is now where near finish
Whether to go for Leading Edge on Sunday
What to do for Mother's Day on Sunday
Planning for tomorrow
Whether to sleep or do assignments
Doom looming exams
Girl's Night next Friday
FOF cost

Oh God, I'm exhausted. My head is going to explode! I just want to dig a hole and just stay in there forever.