A cup of tea... anyone?

feels so yesterday... (HAHA! Coz it is!)

2010 was a good year! I have alot to thank God for 2010. Right from my studies, to health (bro's surgery and dad's minor stroke), to big brother's grad, to lil' brother's great results and placements, to amazing friends, to course mates that stay up with u to do essays and go through torture lecture with u, to tutors and lecturers for being so very patient and passionate about business and commerce, to amazing people that I meet, to amazing experiences (Sydney, convy, last few months of working at Swiss, leading a CG), to OCF Clayton, to my beloved Dynamites...

God's strength in impossibilities, God's mighty hand over me, God's encouragement in times of discouragement, God's peace and indescribable joy when all is falling apart, God's silent whisper and guidance... 2010 would be impossible without God. I doubt I even survived it! HAHA!

Ok fine... every year has its drawbacks and regrets. Regrets? Maybe not joining the Uluru trip or not putting my hand up sooner enough for the Darwin Mission Trip (got cancelled when I really wanted to go) or not putting much effort in one of my units because I'm done with it or not obeying my parents fully or not trying to talk to a person about my frustration with him... Oh, how bout that failed internship or still job searching, or being hurt by a guy through false hope...

But, the past is the past. Bring on 2011! I intend to live it to my fullest!

So glad I went to church today! I almost wanted to skip to go shopping since we've gone to Hillsong during our trip to Sydney. But, the message today was amazing! It was something I needed to hear.

Today, Ps. Mark Conner spoke about "Seasons in Life" since its the last Sunday for the year! OMG. I know. It's so surreal. This year is almost coming to an end! Well, he spoke about the seasons in life eg: Winter, Spring and Summer and Autumn. Also, relating it to the farmer and his harvest. Winter is when the farmer plans and dreams. Spring is when the farmer gets into action and plant. Summer is when the farmer maintains the crop and Autumn is when the farmer reaps his rewards.

Ps. Mark also talked about dreams. It hit me very hard because right now, I don't really have any dreams. I'm just going with the flow and sort of inspecting waters abit here and there. I used to have this dream of becoming an accountant. During college, I was 100% certain that accounting is it! But, now, this dream has died down. I know God put this dream in me but struggles of uni has killed it. And also the boyfriend dream is dying too. I have yet to have a boyfriend and every guy I meet just automatically becomes great guy friends. I mean, not like its bad or anything (sometimes its better than the alternative), its just abit frustrating that this area of my life is abit stagnant and not going anywhere.

I think I'm in the "Winter" stage, planning and strategising. Lord, I want to have dreams again. I want to feel like a little girl with dreams of one day becoming a Princess again. God gives dreams right? God, give me a dream that will one day be a passion of mine and a way to do big things in your kingdom. Amen.

Just back from the Christmas production at our church.

I quite enjoyed it despite having to seat at the back because my brother mistakenly thought it started at 4.15pm. But, it was quite an amazing one. This year the production was called The Journey of the Light. And yes, as the name suggest, it does have alot of lights/ bling-blings/stars etc... Quite pretty! It also had a missions message, that is to spread the light to all nations and be the salt and light in God's kingdom! Pretty creative stuff!! They also showed a part about China and India with lanterns representing China and a Bollywood dance representing India. But, I thought the Bollywood dance was abit lame coz there were white Aussies dancing and sort of killed it abit for me! But, overall thumbs up to a great performance!

While singing carols, I couldn't help but teared up. The birth of a saviour! Who would have thought this baby in a manger would one day become a saviour to all man-kind! And where would I be if not of this baby? For sure not alive and living the life I have now.

So... we played this game in the train where someone start a word (eg egg) and the next person has to think of a word starting with the last letter (eg giraffe) but repeating egg, giraffe... and so on!

So, we came up with this list.

Monkey, yellow, wind, donkey, yam, malaysia, aeroplane, eclipse, elephant, tango, orange, egg, goose, electric, coconut, tiramisu, uruguay, yemen, naan, netherlands, sunshine, energy, yugoslavia, antartica, australia!

HAHA pretty random. And most of it are country names!

Hello! I'm back from Convy! Convy was... I have no words to describe it. I guess one word I can say is it is very life-changing (and it IS one word!). We learned about unity and the importance of togetherness. The people made this convy amazingly awesome! The fellowship, the late night company, pillow talks, random conversations was plainly awesome. I met quite a few Sarawakians! WOO! Some people thought I was mixed, which ok... I take it as a complement!

This camp really brought me closer to God. I experienced God in a supernatural way. One night, God placed a dream in my mind. I dreamed about something I've always struggled with and has somehow affected my Christian walk and I should keep the dream a secret. The instant I woke up I knew that the dream was from God. It was not a happy dream but a scary dream. In the dream, I felt scared. Some might see it as a nightmare, but to me, it was more like a kind warning from God. A warning that if I don't change my ways, the dream will become reality. When I woke up, all I felt was a surreal feeling... It felt almost awesome to experience God in a special way.

Also, I had the opportunity to bring someone to Christ. Well, her name is Lydia. One of the nights, after a sermon session, I saw Lydia sitting alone with ear phones in her ear and eating oranges. So, the Holy Spirit told me to go to her. So, I pretended to get up to get a drink (I was shy ok?). But, I slowly approached her and introduce myself to her and soon after found her to be someone who has yet to dedicate her life to Jesus. She told me she is about 80% to making the decision to accept Christ and was scared that she might not be truly genuine about God, until she reaches 100%. So, I said, Christianity is a journey. There are times where we will fall apart and fall away from God and there are times when we can fully rest assure and rely on God. We can never be perfect Christians. We can never be 100% ever because of sin. But, Jesus is always there when we fall, when we slip and always knowing we can depend on Him is an awesome thing. Therefore, we need Christ because we know we're never perfect.

A simple, yet, powerful speech. Funny thing is I said all that in Chinese. Yes, the irony. After I said that, I was like WOWWWW did I really say that? I was on a high, but at the same time I was like ok... big deal, she probly didn't even understand half of it. But, on the last day of convy, we somehow sat at the same table again. And I asked her, so, did convy help u decide anything yet? And she said yes, because of what I said that very night. And inside of me, I was rejoicing. I knew it wasn't me, it was God all along because heck no, it couldn't be me who said all that at 10pm on a late night in Chinese. Looking over the table, I could see her beaming, she was a different person, inwards and outwards. She had a special glow and I could see her love for God, just so wanting to burst out of her. Then, the Holy Spirit told me to pray for her and I held her hand and prayed for her. It was an amazing experience for me.

Leaving camp to the airport, I thought of her, of the dream, of the sermons, of all the amazing people and couldn't help but shed a tear. God is amazing... And I am the luckiest person alive to have known Him in such an intimate way and I wouldn't have it any other way. And funny thing is this convy was Holy Spirit led, meaning, the Holy Spirit brought me here, was with me all through convy and when I left. ANDD it is still with me now. Cannot get anymore amazing than this.

This post is dedicated to my beloved dynamites! SOBBB. I'm gonna miss them all! I missed them already! During thanksgiving, sitting at the table with these people who have made this year an unforgettable one makes me wanna cry. Looking at each of them and not knowing when u will see each other again just bring tears to my eyes. I swear if I open my mouth I might start crying that's why I kept quiet the whole night.

But, I smiled awhile later. I smiled because I know that this is the start to an amazing friendship. I am grateful to have known all of them. I thank God that our paths crossed. For all I know, life would not be the same without each of them. We've grown together, learned together and experienced together. I will cherish our memories, from bible study, sessions in R3, wacky dinner moments, to beach moments and just being ourselves.

Dynamites will forever be a part of me, no doubt about that.

I'm weary. I'm tired. Audit paper was almost a disaster. But, I think I saved it. I hope so. And now, I'm preparing for AFA paper which is this Thursday. The horror mother of all accounting subjects. So far, it's ok. I have alot to do. Alot to remember. It is overwhelming but, one step at a time is all there is to do.

But, thank God for the motivation. It's all I need right now. A motivation.

This morning was spent with the kids in kids church. I helped the kids with decorating their craft and I taught them about trust through the story of Joseph. I love the story of Joseph. It's just a classic "Have faith in God no matter what" story. But, then, I kinda thought to myself, Joseph was an ego person and of all things deserved to be sold off, yet, God still protect him and had a plan for him! Well, I guess God doesn't pick sides huh?

And, I saw him again the moment I walked up the stairs. It was like light beaming at the mountain top! And yes, inside of me just screamssss for joy. And no, I will stop myself from going on and on and on about how perfect he is. Oh, maybe I should named him Mr. Perfect. But, it was good to see him. It made me smile till my jaw hurts. It lifted my spirits. That moment, it was as if all of my problems were gone. It was as if I was reborn again. I was given a second chance in life. It felt like I experienced love for the first time all over again and it's just as amazing as ever. It was like I was able to believe in God all over again and trust in God in this area, to be my forever trusty matchmaker.

Oh God, when will the time be?

I saw him again.

Okay maybe I should have type all that in capital letters with an exclamation mark because that was what my brain was going when I saw him!

We were packing up. I was helping stacked up the tables with someone else (who should remained nameless for the sake of protecting both our sanity!) and I I glimpsed across our hall and I saw him across the room in the storage room. Such a beautiful person. My eyes was fixed on him as he was busy rushing around putting things into the storage room. My eyes just saw a beautiful person dancing here and there and everywhere. The instant I saw him, my heart started beating like I've taken too much coffee. For one second, maybe two, my whole world paused. It felt like time freeze. And for that one second, the heavy table I was moving felt light. I almost dropped the table. Inside, I was going wild. I was having a little party with myself. I was melting with the sight of him. Oh boy... how can someone be as beautiful as him? He's just a gorgeous man that absolutely takes my breathe away. With him, I don't need breathtaking scenes or air-gasping diamond rings. He's enough to take my breathe away. As I stood there, oh, how I wished I could just stand there and look at him. But, I was moving a table with someone else. So, I clumsily moved the table while trying to still keep him in my vision. But, once I lifted my head, he was gone. Gone like the wind. And there I was standing like an idiot, as if all of that was a dream.

So... I just had the very last pbs. Oh boy... I miss it already! :( Friday will be the last BS. Oh boy, I don't know how to handle it on Friday. I'm sort of looking forward to it but I don't want it to end really!

I'm sad but happy, glad that I have had the opportunity to go through this experience. It's one experience that I will forever treasure and forever remember. I've grown so so much. I've grown my faith, my character, my trust in God. I have learnt to rely on God and give God control. God has definitely pushed me beyond my limits, beyond my comfort zone. I had to go through mental struggles and several personal problems where several times it would be too much to bear. Looking back it was a painful experience, but now, such pruning and cutting and chipping was necessary to help me to grow to a whole new level and to see things in a new, different perspective. I've changed. I feel like a different person. I don't think I'll ever be the person before. I don't want to be the person before.

This will be one valuable experience that I will take with me. Thank God for this amazing experience. Thank you for all those awesome people you've put under me, they just complete it and makes this more exciting. And thank you for my right-hand person, *sigh* what can I say, YOU are one strange person and till now still remains a mystery to understand. But, yes, thank you. Looking back, I couldn't have done it without him and funny thing is I don't see myself doing this with someone else but him! LOL. I know it sounds cheesy but that's how it is!!

yep. I feel like crying now just by typing this. Oh Lordy Lordy, what am I gonna do at our last meeting or when I don't get to see all of u anymore? :(

This week has been tough in so many areas, emotionally and physically and mentally. It's such a mixed emotions week.

It all began with someone scoring an internship with Deloitte. Honestly, yes, I was and am jealous. I was angry, angry at God. I feel like I've wasted my life on one God that couldn't even do what I asked Him to do. I feel cheated because I was certain that this year was my year. God didn't come through for me last year but I have faith that this year is it. That night, I went to sleep telling God how disappointed I am with Him. I think He heard it. Then, I remembered what Joewin said in BS that God will put us through the things when we have enough faith to conquer them. And Ivie said that God's will may not be our will. Maybe it isn't God's will to have this internship. Maybe God has something else for me this summer... only time will tell!

Next, I recalled one of my high school friend, Rohan and how he has been battling cancer for almost a year. I just thought of him all of a sudden. I saw pictures of him on his facebook and how he turned from this chubby kid into a pale, thin and weak person. And, I started crying. How can God allowed suffering? We always hear talks on this topic but you never really felt the intensity of it until someone u know is suffering and going through it all. I cannot imagine going through cancer at this age. It somehow helped me to count my blessings and be happy with what I have. That night, all I could do was pray for him. Then, I remembered what Joewin said in BS about how faith can conquer all and how he tells us about his granddad and dad and pastor having this thing called faith which healed his granddad. And... I immediately thought of Rohan. So, every night, I've been praying for him, even though he doesn't know God, but God is a God who hears prayers. All I can do is pray and believe...

Then, I had a 30%, 3k word essay due. It was a scramble just to finish it and hand it in with messed up bedtime at 3am and overworking in the library. But, typing this a week later isn't so bad. Yep. I'm thankful for strength and friends that stayed up with me just to finish it together! And, also, I passed my afa test, which btw, holds the reputation of 50% fail rate every sem. Because initially, my score came back as a fail but I later found out that the lecturer marked 3 questions wrongly so I ended up with a pass! All praise to God!! Talked about sigh of relief and yayness at the end of such a hectic week!

It's true, I haven't gotten over him. Yes, the feeling has died down abit. Yes, I've stopped thinking about him for quite sometime. But, the feeling is still very much alive! Every time I stepped into church, all I could think about is him. Like just this morning, I thought to myself, 'oh, I might bumped into him'. And whenever I see his friends, the first thing that pops into my head is him. Like just this morning when I saw his very closest friend and my thought immediately switched and all I can see is his beautiful, tanned face. And when I see him (which the last time was 2 weeks ago), my heart still beats extremely extremely fast! It's like my heart will skipped a beat and if I don't take deep breathes, I might forget to breathe. He's just such a mesmorising figure, both inwards and outwards. So much so that he takes my breathe away. Every time, I'll try to stop myself from looking at him, this beautiful beautiful man of God, because I know I'm not helping myself. I'm just doing myself more harm then good because there is no way this will work. Maybe we aren't meant to be. But, why... why... do I always take a second glance? Why do I still think there's a chance? Is this even love? or some stupid infatuation? Frankly speaking, I don't know what is the best thing to do, to give up and walk away? or just to continue believing that a miracle will happened? A part of me wants to continue putting faith in God. There must be a reason why I met him. A reason we know not of. There must be an ending to this "story". And I will not suffice till I get the ending.

Well, it wasn't like extremely busy just... busy then usual.

I've been working on my afa report for the past week or so. I hope I do well in it coz I spend such a long time trying to make it perfect and finding new things to add to it. But, I was too caught up with all the research that I forgot to check the grammar and after submitting it, I realised I should have used past tense instead of present! Oh boy, I hope he doesn't penalise me hugely for that! Then, I had a mid-sem too which was alright.

And we had a leaders' retreat over the weekend. It was a needed getaway after such a hectic week! Met some new people from Clayton COC!! It's nice to meet new people now and again! It surprises me that people say I'm a joyful person! Well, I just love to smile! Who doesn't? Ps. Chee spoke some powerful stuff about leaders' backpack and the burdens leaders carry with them. And yeah, I was nodding at every point he made! But, it was a fun-filled time spent together!

But not much to update! Still same old me.

Oh, I got through to NAB Summer Vacation 2nd round online assessment! Yeah... but don't get too excited coz there's still interview and the lot! But, I'm counting on God on this one! If I get in then great! If I don't then I don't! UPDATE: Nup, didn't get it! *sulked*

Other than that, nothing much. Just uni, uni work, starting to get into the busyness of assignments and tests. But, I'm enjoying uni. It's my second last semester! Oh how time flies... I'm starting to appreciate uni more and putting more effort to go to classes and lectures. I guess being a student really is a lifetime experience and I'm going to make the most of it!

But... that's about it! See... told u it was plain old boring!

I'm off and away to another semester!

Well... uni started on Monday. Wow! Where did hols go? And so... the uni routine begins. Bus, lectures (almost slept in my first lecture!), smirking at lecturers, random his and byes, bitching about tutors, assignments and tests (oh the horror!), cramming in libraries...

But, I'm excited! Excited on what God will do for this next half of the year!

And congrats to my brother for finally finishing!! You've done us proud! :D And my other brother for winning the premier award for IT! Yep, definitely I've missed out on the smart genes.

Camp has created alot of questions in me. Questions like whether I've let God used me to full potential or I've been rocking two boats, God's boat and my boat or I've allowed fear/negative thoughts to affect me or I've not been listening to his silent whisper or if I'm not obedient when He asked me to do something and I didn't do it. It also got me thinking about myself as a leader and whether I've done enough, whether I've cared for each one of them, and whether I've put my all in this.

Is it a good thing to have all these questions? I don't know. But, it has been bothering me lately. But, it's good to think about these things once in a while. I mean an occupied mind is better than a blank mind right? We're bound to face it when we see Jesus anyway!

And of course, I thought about him and how things are still the same as the start. It's killing definitely to think that I haven't done anything about it and always brushing it off to the side. I mean, I don't know what to do really! We've been avoiding each other throughout camp and it's not helping! The situation is still as awkward as ever! During ministry night, God was telling me to talk to him. Something inside me wanted to apologise to him for being so judgmental and misjudging him and carrying this angst against him.

But, I'm just scared.

It was the toughest night! I was debating whether to do it. I was trying to come up with ways to say it but God just said "GO! Just GO! What are u waiting for?" But as always, I couldn't bring myself to. I just couldn't! At one point, it got so overwhelmed! And I went to sleep that night, feeling very very disappointed with myself and asking God to forgive me for not putting His words into action. It was not a good feeling.

But, camp struck a core in me. Everything that Dr. Sarah Koh said related to me from relationship area to ministry area in terms of discouragement and feeling like no one appreciates what I'm doing and just feeling like I had enough, or I can't do this and just wanting to give up! I totally relate to it! It felt like the message was for me and only me! And God's presence was so strong. I cried when Charlene prayed for me. And... it was much needed tears, tears that sum up all the emotions I've been carrying.

I guess I'm now ready to conquer the next half of the year especially after all those crying, thinking, strategising, evaluating...

I've started searching for summer vacation work.

I've looked at big companies like KPMG, EY, PWC and Deloitte and even considering applying for vacation work back in Msia if I don't get work here in Australia. I'm also willing to do some crappy stuff at small firms! This is HOW desperate I am!! I am so desperate for that big break through into this very very extremely competitive industry. And for starters, I don't even know if Accounting is what I want. That's why I'll give this a shot and see if I like it or not. An internship would be ideal!!

But, I think I will apply for it once results are out. Talk about pressure!! And funny enough applications open on the day results come out! There's so much uncertainty tho coz academically speaking, my results are quite average and gosh! it's sooo darn competitive. But, luckily enough, there's sooo many options out there! Like a billion options so I guess it gives me more chances.

But, God knows my future better than anyone else. And I trust Him. Somehow, I feel secure and positive about this. I will keep on believing.

It feels so weird coz most of my friends are not done yet!! And wow wow wow I can't believe I'm done for sem 1! This sem went SO QUICK! Like unbelievably QUICK!! 3 months just went by like that.

But, really, thank GOD!!! I had 4 papers in a row and gosh... thinking back, HOW did I do it?? I thought it was very impossible. I thought I was going to die! My friends also think it is ridiculous to have 4 straight papers!! But, by God's strength I made it! I don't know how, but I just did.

I am very grateful for Yen, my fellow unlucky-4-paper mate! We stucked through it together. She is such an encourager and such a great help! Especially for the Exam case study and so willing to help me with any trouble I had with tute questions. And she even msg me the minute after our last exam. Aww... truly a God-sent!

God is good. He puts u into trials and walks with u through it. He is able!

Yesterday I almost missed the bus. I was rushing (like always) and running to the bus stand and I saw the bus go by. Oh no! I'm going to miss it and I have to wait another 30 minutes for the next one! So... I ran faster. Then, the bus stopped. And I thought to myself, oh, maybe someone's coming off the bus. I can still catch it if I run faster. But, no one came off. The bus driver actually stopped to wait for me! Run faster Sally!! So... I ran and I got on the bus!

I'm very thankful for the bus driver. Coz normally they will just ignore u and stuff but this bus driver stopped and waited for me!! I feel very very very special after that. It felt good. This made me think about our BS topic. Like the bus driver, God will always wait for us, we just have to run to catch him!!

And, yesterday was our last BS. People asked me if it's a relief? No, I don't feel relief. It feels so sad. Where did time go? I had fun leading BS, despite how hard it was. I guess it comes from my (inner secret) love to teach. I love all our discussions despite sometimes it can get quite intense with overly opinionated people but that's what I love about each and everyone of them. I love spending time with my cell. And to think we're almost half way to the end makes me feel sad.

But... what if I don't want to be the shepherd? What if I'm not capable of being the shepherd?

Lord, why did I even bother? WHY WHY WHY did I even bother? when no one even cares! No one even appreciate my efforts!!! It's really pointless.... Why should I even care? when no one gives a damn about what I'm doing!! When everything I'm doing means nothing! Complete utter nothing!! It just infuriates me that no one seems to care when I'm putting so much in! I feel like an idiot. I should just keep quiet and do nothing.

God: Sally, THEY are YOUR sheep. Each and everyone of them are YOUR sheep and YOU'RE the shepherd. They require YOUR care, YOUR love, YOUR guidance. U HAVE to care for them. And a split second, a picture of eerie, dark forest scene with scary trees flashed in my head. And in it was a lost, scared sheep. God asked me, what are u going to do now? YOU'VE been given the role of a shepherd. YOU are supposed to look after them! How are they going to look after themselves?

Sometimes, I hate it when You talk sense into me but it's ALL I needed to hear. Ah wait, lemme rephrase the title: Sheep BELONGS to the shepherd.

My heart still beats when I see him. Oh, wait.

Correction, my heart beats TWICE when I see him. And surprisingly, it feels mighty good to just see him. His beautiful tanned skin, amazing hair, great arms, looking so handsome as always. It feels good even though he doesn't know who I am or barely remembers me.

When he walked passed me, I swear my heart would stop. And and... how bout that moment where our eyes met in accident, I swear deep down inside I was jumping with joy. Just to see him face-to-face and eye-to-eye is everything I could ever wished for! I cannot help but smile a minute later. OMG.... he looked at me with his gorgeous eyes!! I swear that moment was the best 10 seconds of my life! Omg. Did I blushed?? I think I did. :X

Oh boy... I sound like a love struck teenager coz I am!!! It's amazing how I still like him after all this while. But, surprisingly, this isn't torturous at all, to love someone in secret and someone who doesn't even know who you are. I feel happy to love someone, especially someone like him. It's worth the love. I just feel on top of the World and I don't know why.

Ah well, sometimes, some things don't have to have a reason and this one thing is called love. <3

I'm a girl. I'm allowed to cry right?

So many things are on my mind now.

Analyzing how bible study went just now
Why he's still not talking to me
Thinking of how to appeal my (horrible) exam dates
Assignment on Friday that is now where near finish
Whether to go for Leading Edge on Sunday
What to do for Mother's Day on Sunday
Planning for tomorrow
Whether to sleep or do assignments
Doom looming exams
Girl's Night next Friday
FOF cost

Oh God, I'm exhausted. My head is going to explode! I just want to dig a hole and just stay in there forever.

It's someone's bday tomorrow. It's obvious that I haven't gotten over him.

Well, but, happy 21st. I really wished to wish u in person but um... i can't. I want to, but circumstances are so against me now. So, have a blast. Strangely enough, I feel excited for someone else's birthday and we barely even know each other for long.

On another note, FOF was good. We ended up playing really dumb games (ahem kenneth!) and really overly intelligent games. Aaron's diagram was epic!! omgee and David's albatross story. I think I'm having nightmares about it. HAHA. But, still... it was fun to just laze around and see people get so enthusiastic and excited about these impromptu games.

Yep. Back to investment. ugh.plain ugh.

okay... maybe I was wrong. Yes, I was wrong (u don't hear that from me everyday ey?). Maybe I've over-reacted. Maybe I just need to loosen up and lighten up and just go with the flow.

Maybe Ivie is right, maybe we'll look back and be grateful for each other. I am starting to feel grateful that he's there. It feels good to have someone take the lead and know that there's someone I can fall back on. I like how he sometimes does things out of the blue that wows me and yeah, I can say it's super nice to have unexpected surprises like that once in a while. Every time, it makes my heart flip and I will smile like nuts when I think about it, seriously, make my day a whole lot better.

It's funny to think he's the person that made me realise how a perfectionist I am. I mean, I've always known I'm a perfectionist but not to an extreme level. It's true, I've forgotten how to be free again. Sometimes, I have to just let go and let him make decisions and do things at his own pace. It isn't easy for me to be the "by-stander" because I'm used to always be the "leader" and always in-control and making sure things are done "perfectly" and according to my standard. But it's something I gotta learn and am still learning.

Lord, I know there's a reason we were put together. I know there are things You want to show me, things that I'm blinded to see about myself and other things. Lord, I want to learn from him. I want us to learn from each other. I want this to be a team with one vision that is to be at Your calling at all times. Lord, help me to trust him more. Amen.

Setting: Friday BS with the Dynamites!

Someone (I think it was KH): Why Nicola didn't come today arh?
Me: Coz her mum's here.
Aaron: Har? She's here? WHERE?!?!!
All: LOLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!ROFL!!!!!!LMAO!!!!

We laughed like nuts... Oh boy... it still makes me laugh like nuts when I think of it. And Aaron did it so innocently, which makes it 1000 times funnier. HAHA!!! A second later after all the hysterical laughing, Ming Han even did an impersonation of Aaron: Har? She's here? WHERE? *big eyes looking at left and right frantically*

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! My cell is nuts.

I am still very very very very angry at that person. I wrote a post about it but decided not to publish it. I've blocked him on msn and fb. Yep, that's HOW annoyed I am!!! Even reading his replies on email makes my blood boils. Even seeing his name on my inbox makes me roll my eyes in utter disgust. And group tagged photos of him makes me shut my eyes and scroll to the next photo.

I am very annoyed. No joke. I am very pissed off to my bones. He's just a selfish, selfish person. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, I don't care, it's HIS fault!!! I'm the nice one here. Too nice in fact. It is my pitfall for being too nice. And to think I have to pretend that nothing happened in front of him and that it's okay and to hide all my angry emotions and that he can get away with it doubles the fury in me.

No, I am not okay. I'm sorry Lord for coming from a camp of Love and feeling this way. I've been patient enough!! I've sacrifice so much YET! He couldn't care less!! couldn't appreciate me!! and couldn't be there for me!! This is not cool for me. Not cool at all!!

Lord, u ALWAYS reduced me to tears. Overwhelmed tears.

Sometimes, it's just too much to handle. Sometimes, it feels so heavy inside. It feels so breathless, so painful, so tight at the throat and chest. Like last BS, when I reached home, while in my room, I just couldn't control my tears. The weird thing was I was 100% fine before, I was happy, jumpy and lively. BS was a success!! And for no reason, I just broke down and warm tears just gushed out like in a click, without me realizing!! It certainly surprised me, I was like why am I crying for no reason?

Lord, I'm overwhelmed by everything You're doing. Now, I know what the feeling is to have happy, godly tears.

But, then, after crying, I feel so good. Maybe this is how God is helping me to release my emotions. Maybe because I don't know how to feel, how to react, the Holy Spirit just had to get me to feel in a certain way. It's true when you're with God alone, true emotions are on show. True, genuine feelings.

Gosh, I'm crying now. GAH.

Finallyyy.... I have a FREE Saturday after like 1234567 years!! And it feels mighty good!!!

I started the day with a cup of green tea (how very therapeutic)!!! And then I cleaned my room (which made me feel even better!) and then after that I immediately went into study!! And it was productive. I finished all four weeks of performance work (eg. readings and tute!) Yay! Go me!! I kinda feel better now given that I did not attend any lectures at all (No, it's not something to be proud of) Then, had a mini nap, and it felt amazingly GOOD!!! Then, I finished up on performance.

In short, today was very relaxing. It feels so good to have one day, just lazing around at home in my PJs. It feels good to just do everything in my own pace without worrying too much about the time. It feels good to slow things down and block everything out.

I am in need of more days like this! And to think I will have more makes me feel even BETTER! hehe...

I've turned 21!! Wow.....

I had family dinner the day before and mum got me a black forest cake and the OCFers crashed my room and got me a hazelnut cake. Then, Dynamites! got me a green tea cake. Now, I am very sick of cake now!! But thanks heaps guys. Oh, and... Dynamites! Thanks for the card!! I love it!!!

Mum always reminds me about her pregnancy when my birthday comes. She will always bring up her surgery. She said she had some complications during her labour (with me of course!). Mum said the umbilical cord got wrapped around my neck and mum had to undergo surgery just to get me out! I am forever grateful for mum. (Luv u!!) And yeah, to think God spared me makes me think I'm meant for a bigger purpose in life. Well, I don't just think now, I DO believe God has a greater purpose for me.

Yes. I'm 21. And I have yet to have my 21st party yet. Haih. I think I grow up too fast. I don't even know how to have fun anymore!!

Today is a good day. There should be more of today.

For starters, I didn't missed the bus. :) I thought I did, coz the bus was 5 minutes late. But, oh boy, am I happy to finally see the bus rocking up.

Then, I saw JUNA!!!! in the train!!! Omg. I haven't seen her in ages. So, we just talked. She said she's finishing her first stage of her project and going to do her other half in Kuching. And she said her family's planning to come stay in Aus. for 2 years. I will keep praying for u!!!

And then, tute was good. I finally made friends. 2 in my tax law tute and 1 in my lending tute. HAHA. All of them Msian. And I bumped into Richard and Julian, my FM buddies!!!

I came home and saw mum's surprise pressie for me. I love it!!! Mum says it's for keepsake. Yep, I love my mum. Then, we went to Glenny to walk around. We had ice creams and KFC. hehe...

So, yep. This is such a great day. I'm blessed to have so many people around me. Sometimes u just don't realised how blessed u are...

AND! My bday is next week!! I cannot wait.

was... interesting. It was good to see everyone opening up to one another. I think we broke (more like melted) the ice the minute we got into our room, which is always nice. Our room sucks and we had difficulty with the game.

But, I must say, discussions could have been much better. It was fault on my behalf too as I could have been more prepared. I could have come up with more questions to ask to stir the discussion carefully, rather than following the questions given. And, also, be more controlling of the discussion, instead of allowing it to waver about. I'm still trying to think how to stop it from getting out of hand. Like seriously, it just got so out of topic. In the end, I was really confused. I was telling mum, and she's like... it's okay to go out of topic, you are still learning.

And... I was so hungry!! I had nothing since breakfast!! Lesson learned, EAT before u come!! Thanks to Kenneth for bringing me food. Omg, life saver. Although, I "hate" u for encouraging the out-of-topic discussion. Then, again, I wouldn't know what to do myself.

But, good start. At least we have got some where to move from.

I've quit my job.

It is a bitter sweet feeling. *sigh* I feel like crying now. Now, I'm thinking, is this a bad decision? But, it's not a sudden decision. I gave it a long hard thought and decide to stop working. This has got to be the hardest decision ever.

Why u ask?

Because I want to focus on other things, eg: uni and OCF leading, as well as giving myself abit of me time(which has been lacking quite abit). A speaker in church before said this :"Even though some things that You're doing are good things, favourable things in God's eyes, it may not be the right time to do it". This strongly spoke to me. And I take it as word's that God wants me to hear. And I remember someone saying: "if u see no point in what you are doing, then maybe it's a sign that u should stop." Yes, I don't see any point in working there anymore.

But, I want to thank God for giving me this job. I've learned so much from this job, gained so much experience and meeting alot of people from all walks of life. Getting this job was really random. It was my mum who told me about this job and ask me to go and inquire about it. Initially, I didn't want to coz that time was exam season and I was busy with exams and I thought meh, might not get it, why even bother? But, after a few pesterings from mum, I went in and talk to them. And they are like, okay... just submit ur timetable for next sem. and start next week!! Of course, I'm like err... okay.

Also, I want to thank God for the strength. It's very hard to study and work at the same time. It's very exhausting mentally and physically. And thank God for helping me with difficult customers and giving me the motivation (waking up at 6am on a sat is no joke!) and helping me with some issues I had with the baker (in short, we had an argument) and just coping with bad days.

Well, I have another week to go before I officially be unemployed. One door closes, a million door opens right? God, what do u have for me for the next chapter?

Car salespersons are the least trusted people on Earth, closely followed by real estate agents and MPs. HAHA. The most trusted ones are doctors, pharmacists and nurses, all in the medical field. And I got all of these from the Investment lecture.

Oh, and I got another thing from the Investment lecture which is to save up. I mean, the lecturer said it so convincingly. Save up, then invest, then get more money back. He said we're still young and have all the time in the world so, its good to put some money aside and make use of it. WOW. I'm determined to save up now.

Friday is giving me mixed emotion. I'm excited, scared, nervous, worried. But, for sure, I can't wait to see my beautiful cellies. :)

I got this baby for $80!!! Doesn't sound cheap? But, it's 8GB!!! And most 8GB would cost a HELL alot. Even 2GB is already 100 plus. It's Dick Smith branded. Gotta love Aussie products!!! And I love it!!

I've been looking for a mp3 players since my old one died. And this one is quite good!! The keys are touch sensitive, which is quite annoying at first, but after trial and error I finally know how to navigate my fingers. HAHA. Pure training for the iphone. The manual book didn't really help at all!! lol.

It's quite handy. I can store videos, movies, musics, pictures, even document notes. It's gotta be one of my best buys!

And the keys light up!! TADA...

It looks so pretty too, with a huge screen. Just like an ipod nano, just ipod nano is 2GB!! So I WIN!! HAHA. It's just too bad I couldn't change the background colour to a nicer pic coz it's such an ugly florescent blue colour.

But, I LOVE IT!! It made me happy. :) Now I can download songs. Hmm... ost songs. YUM! And listen to them in bed. HAPPY. MAPPY :)

SO... today was the last day of ROAR. I miss it now. Initially, I wanted to cancel it coz Samuel was in town and we're bringing him around. But, oh boy, am I glad I went.

I had an awesome time helping out with ROAR for this term. The feeling is SUPER MEGA satisfying. I had fun playing with the kids. I think I remembered almost all of their names. I have to admit I was just abit nervous when making the announcements and being in-charge with the games. But, I guess it allows me to rely on God more and put everything in His hands. It's true that tough times makes us stronger and drawn towards God, funny that!

And it's just awesome when everything goes accordingly. It was just sooo great to build up God's next generation. Sometimes I look at these kids and think, wow!! They are going to grow up to be God's torch bearer and do great, amazing things.

Yeah!!! Well, I cannot wait for the next term to start.

P/s: I saw this Korean kid that I swear will become the next Kim Bum or Lee Dong Won or Tae Yang. Haha. I'm sure he'll be a lady's man when he gets older.

Uni is starting soon. I'm quite looking forward to it after such a long break. But, then... I'm quite nervous about starting. I know it's going to be very challenging. I'm going to have alot on my plate. First, with leading in OCF, and then continuing with my job, not to mention hard 3rd year units coming, and helping out with ROAR. I'm scared I'm biting off more than I can chew. I hope I can find a balance in all this. But, I am ready.

Well, at least starting uni means I'm working less. Work is consuming. My routine nowadays is wake up, work, sleep, wake up, work, sleep. Literally. It gets very bored with repeating cycles like this, especially when u rather do something else but cannot get out of this cycle no matter how hard u try. They are starting to take in new people, which is good coz new people ALWAYS get the crappy shifts. lol.

"Just realise this quote thingy". Awesome.

And learned this from Pris . Nice.

People asked me why I don't get contacts. Well, because it decreases my sexyness. I would look too sexy without glasses. HAHAHA.

Well, nah..

The reason is it's too expensive. It cost a hefty and not covered by medicare. I would rather get new shoes with that money. Talk about opportunity cost!!(Micro first year! bahaha). And fairly speaking, I'm used to glasses already. And it draws attention away from me but still gives me a bit of attention. haha. haha. Besides, I think I look (mildly) sexy with glasses.

Oh well. One day... I tell my cousin it's the "Sally" evolution coz the next time she sees me I'll be one step different to before. HAHA. And evolution can take a while...

So CNY wasn't a disaster.

Despite having to work on CNY eve, which is the worst day ever, it didn't really ruin CNY. I was so glad to be back home after a horrendous day at work, and just in time for CNY eve dinner!! CNY eve dinner party wasn't so bad. There was so much food left, not funny at all. I got ang paos, which is always nice, one from mum and dad and one from Abigail and Brian, a couple that came to our dinner party.

I went visiting to advisor Chee Kai's place. It was okay... I mean, as usual, there were more chatters from other people than from me but I got to speak to most of the people there. And met quite a few new people. I met a guy who's going to be my junior coz he's starting first year at Caulfield this year. How interesting! And these girls from Sydney, which I had trouble recalling their name so all through the night I was calling them by their wrong names and having to get corrected every time. Talk about embarrassment!

But. The night was okay. I was dead tired after that. But overall a fun weekend.

I ALWAYS get CNY blues. It's sure to hit me every year.

I remember growing up how we all wake up early to help mum with the cooking and baking and cleaning up. And we will put on our new clothes proudly. I remember how our neighbours (who are significantly wealthy than us) will have loud lion dance shows with fire crackers and my brothers and I will curiously peek over the street to have a look. I remember those CNY musics with singers that have ever so perfect voices flaring on the television while we entertain the guests. I remember I got so bored waiting for guests that my brothers and I will often predict who would visit us next. I remember going back to my grandparents' house and having the pre-CNY dinner with all of the extended family. It was crazy to see a house packed with people and a table full of a variety of dishes. I remember visiting my 2nd aunt and warning me not to eat the sweets on the table fearing I might pack on the pounds.

Sigh. Even though we do have a small party here in Australia, it's never the same.

I listen to this song and only think of one person.

We are 5!!! I meant Australia and the Tee's!!

Yep. It's been 5 years in Australia. 5 long, hard years. Well, 5 years and 2 days. When I tell people, they say oh! That's such a long time!! You must have become more Aussie now!! Funny, it didn't really feel THAT long.

God has been gracious to us since landed here. God provided us with alot of things. My parents got a job immediately after we settled in, which we thought would take a while. We got settled in school. School was rough for all of us at the beginning. I'm sure it would be for any newcomer. I remember first day of school and being introduce to my year 10 home group room in front of the whole class. It was very embarrassing. But, I've managed to gain valuable friendships from that class and I'm still in close contact with most of the people from the class and meet regularly. WOW! I never thought of that until NOW! That is amazing!!!

I made it into uni. I got a job. I met awesome people. I made friends. Again, everlasting friends. I've grown closer to God. My relationship with my family has improved significantly. I'm glad I've found a man that, put it this way, a man that is similar to myself, a man that reflects my inner nature and is still the man of my dreams regardless if things work out or not. I'm more confident with myself. I've become a better person, inside and out.

I bloody love this country. (But not enough to become one of it's citizen just yet! lols)

Currently... I'm at work almost everyday. Other than waking up at 6am, it's not quite bad. I actually feel more energetic after a days of work. I get free lunch and breakfast, free bread to bring back, earn more money, get to help out around the shop and not be a bum at home. It's not bad really... I feel on a high when customers say "thank you very much for your help". And a similar high when I managed to persuade a customer to buy a cake or manage a customer's cake order.

I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN! It's like I've been born again or someone dug me out of the hole I've been living for the past a month or so. Not like its anything bad, just nice to use my brain again. :D

He is similar to me.

He's shy.
He's quiet until circumstances need him speaking.
He doesn't say much, doesn't talk much.
He makes lame jokes, but again that's what draws him to the crowd.
He thinks too much.
He has alot on his mind yet doesn't share. He just can't be bothered.
He doesn't know how to express himself.
He likes to keep things to himself.
He finds life a routine, a repeat cycle.
He has lots of acquaintances, but a few really really good friends.

He is full of mystery. He's everything like me.

That's what I lay in bed thinking about.

Isn't it amazing to know there's someone out there that's same as you? And more amazing is that u've found him. The down side is u've haven't quite found each other... yet.

When will our paths cross? Maybe it's true that only OPPOSITES attract.

... well 2 weeks ago actually, with Brisbane International, Hobart International, Sydney Medibank, Aami Kooyong Classic and Hopman's Cup at Perth

But, Aus Open grand slam officially begans today!!

Honestly, 5 years in Australia (Melbourne some more), I've never ever been to the grand slam before. I know.... I'm just too lazy. Even though it's just a 45 minutes train ride to the city but I can't be stuff. It's just soo much comfortable watching matches on the tv. I know I should make an effort to go this year since working life is starting soon and would be harder to go once I start working. But... yeah.... give me good weather, $25, and a tennis buddy and I will go.

Oh speaking of which, Maria Sharapova's tennis outfit is cute. I love it!! It doesn't even look like a sports attire, more like a summer dress. Anyway, I tip Henin to win!! She is back!!! :)

I want her hair man! I deliberately chose a straight look because the fact is my hair is straight. She probly have professional hair hairdressers and alot of straightening and hair spray for it to look like that but it's really pretty.



How bout this one? I love her fringe man. That's it!! I'm growing my fringe!
She's Lauren Conrad btw... from the Hills and Laguna Beach.

Gasp! Audrina Patridge! Her hair!!!! I want!!! So sexy!!! I fell in love with her hair the instant I saw her in The Hills. She is just gorgeous!!

And this? Sexy indeed... Oh yeah!! Salute to the eyeliner!


Oh but she looks okay with bangs... My bangs never ever turn out like that. It's always clump up in sections and too thin. I dunno how they do it.

Time to get a hair straightener..... Mum's like... ur hairs straight already! Why torture ur hair with unnecessary damage? But... but... but... I want it straighter!

Btw, I was introduced to this website: BeautyChoice.com. I got sooo excited all of a sudden. The hair straighteners are sooo freaking cheap!!! O.M.G. But unfortunately, I am not a fan of online shopping. Yup. Priceline it is. OH! Chrissy sales might be still on! I hope...

I spent again. I know. This time it's a summer dress. I feel very guilty. Yes, I do. But, it was on 20% sale and I couldn't resist it!!

So... in total, since landed in Aussie, I've brought an eyeliner (sale item), a hair clip, a bag, a scarf (coz it was half price if u get an item before which was the bag), a pair of jeans (half price too!), and finally this dress. Yup. Everything you see on me is either on sale OR half price!

Someone stop me please!

Oh next mission: ankle boots! Oh and how bout those 5 dollar sales at diva?

She just never learn!

Richard is right. I have a job and I should be grateful for it.

We were talking on msn and I was ranting to him how work starts next week and how bored I am with the job. Also, I complained to him how I applied to countless of jobs and hardly get a reply. He replied with "Take it easy. It's not easy to find a job these days. Just enjoy it at the moment while you can."

Yes. At that very moment, I was thinking, wow... that is so right. Why am I feeling so unhappy and complaining about something that maybe half of the world population doesn't have, that is a job. I have a job with flexible hours and secure income and an understanding boss. Sometimes I just forget that God blessed me with this job. Sometimes, it just slipped my mind that this is God's providence.

I don't feel so bad anymore.

Btw, thanks for that Richard. I know you don't read this but I don't want you to either. I had a creepy dream about him last night.

So... everyone I know is either doing internship or doing placement or doing some sort of work. Gah. I feel so lousy. This is the time where I should be doing my internship and get a head start in the business world. Mum asked me why I'm not doing any, I simply told her I didn't apply for it, how to get it then?

I don't know.

A part of me didn't really want to do internship or summer school. I had a rough uni life in '09. It's just so tough that I just couldn't be bothered. And the busyness of everything kinda made me forget about all these things. I just want to focus on the moment and not think about what I needed to do next.

It feels weird that everyone is working but I'm on hols. But then. Work is starting soon. I should enjoy this hols. Since coming back from Msia, I've been sleeping almost 10 hours per day! Just pure bliss!

I just finish watching THE BEST Taiwanese drama of all fricking time!!! It is good! Very very good. I underestimated it. And oh, how wrong was I.

It is sooooo good.

The drama is called Fated to Love You. O!M!G! It is superb!! The storyline is unlike most Asian dramas that revolve around a boy and a girl. The storyline actually made sense!! It is also very funny and some parts are real tear jerker. And awesome acting! The soundtrack is quite simple with only 2 main songs but they change the rhythm and beat to match some scenes but I still quite like it.

I am sooo getting the dvd.

I think my Chinese is getting better after watching this drama coz there weren't any subtitles when I was watching it so I was busy reading the Chinese subtitles. I think my hokkien has improved slightly coz some parts have the dialect, instead of Chinese. HAHA.

Sometimes I feel its hard to ask God for things. I dunno if anyone of you have ever felt like this. It's just so hard to ask. I just cannot bring myself to ask. I feel so selfish to ask for things. I feel it's wrong that I have all this list of things ready to be presented in front of God. It's like a presentation, where you say it once and that's it.

Remember about the job I applied, well, I haven't got a reply for it. A part of me wants to ask God for it but I cannot seem to bring myself to ask for it. It's just so hard to do so. Maybe because I haven't asked for it so nothing is happening? And about him. I want to ask God about it too. But, I just simply don't know how.

It's not like I have cut connections with God. It's just I find it hard to ask God's favor on MY things, yet I find it easy to pray about OTHER people's things. I know that God promises everything we ask. Ask and you shall find is it not? Then, why is it so hard to ask?

It's just so hard to utter the words "God, I need this! I need this NOW! Will You give it to me? Will You just make something happen? I'm desperately in need for that job, that guy, that grade! Will You for once make it happen? I cannot wait any longer! It's killing me within!"

Yes... these are the words I wanted to say, but I cannot bring myself to say it. I fail to say it in every prayer to God. It just leaves me tongue tied every single time.

God, I know You will provide. Lord, help me to learn to wait.

... or maybe they do?

There are sales everywhere... O.M.G, I must resist.

T_T.

I must remind myself its not Ringgit Malaysia anymore but Aussie dollars. Oh noes... I saw alot of pretty things. T_T.

U expect me to walk past all these pretty things? Even stopping myself looking at it TWICE is hard, let alone ignore them.

Officially a shopaholic...