A cup of tea... anyone?

So.... what have I been doing?

Working. Sad life indeed. Argh what to do man? Sad life it will be. I cannot sleep in, cannot stay up late coz I'm like dead after a day of work. And whenever something goes wrong at work, the thought of quitting automatically came back or maybe it's the other way round, I will regret not quitting earlier. Haih.

I've started picking up on piano. Yup. Honestly, I never liked piano. Since young, mum pushed me into piano. But, I have the skills now, so what the heck. As the bible said, put ur skills into good used. Hence, I've been practicing my chords and Hillsong songs. I found this great site with awesome Hillsong chords!! It's great. It even teaches u how to play some chords. Nice, for a rusty like me!! I don't even know how I even stumble on this site. Must be God's doing. Yup. One step closer to worship. Not like I'm aiming for it but working towards it.

I've been watching Taiwanese dramas, to improve my Chinese. Maybe I should borrow some Chinese books from the library tomorrow. I have to speak Chinese with my family okay? Esp. my 2nd aunt who will criticise me if I cannot say one single sentence. She'll be like, see... see... the result of going to Australia? U lose ur Chinese heritage. But, it still amazed me how I still can read Chinese after so long. Okay... since VCE Chinese, it's not long but still long. I'm half way through a drama without English subtitles!! HAHA. The drama's called silence with Vic Chou and Park Eun Hye. I will blog about it sometime soon.

Been spending too much. Oh gosh. Been eating out too much. Gosh... I need to save my tummy for Kuching. AH! I think I would be way too sick of eating out if this continues, which is bad coz Kuching = Eat out!!

And. I'm tired. Bed time!! It's not even 11 yet. Fail.

An ipod (preferably purple or red)








A cake mixer (preferably those that have a bowl like this, but if just the mixer then its ok too!)










A hair straightener

I keep getting comments that I sing pretty well. I'm just stunned at how many people have told me that. Whenever I hear that I sing well, I just pulled a are-you-kidding face and my eyes go so big that my eye balls are about to fall out and I give out an awkward laugh.

Sing? Me? No way. Last time, I told myself I would do anything for worship (Eg. play piano, dance) but I will never sing. Never. I will never hold a mic onto my throat and sing in high magnitude to everyone. I would go out of tune and embarrassed myself.

But, its good to hear encouragement from people to get me on the worship team. And mind u, it would need alot of pulling (and shuffling) to get me on the worship team. Maybe some of that thing called kaching? Oh did someone hear that, or did a bird just twit?

Other than that, going back in a month!! Wee..... For some reason, I'm excited to go back. I dunno why. It's just so exciting. I'm counting down the days which is quite unusual for me to do. I'm always quite nervous to see the family back home. But, its going to be good. I mean, heads up I know they will give me a hard time, but they are family so what can u expect?

Again, I have no pics. Fail. But, there are some tagged pics on FB, which I look good for once, thanks to the illusion of makeup, hair so straight from too much ironing, heels enough to grow my legs a centimeter longer and that dress, quoted from Ivie : That dress looks dangerous! Even mummy like my dress!! :)

The food was okay. I think I got the best combination! Salmon basket entree, steak and steam veggies main and choc pudding dessert. The salmon basket entree was soooo good!!! The best dish of the night!!

And so. Yeah. I'm going to miss everyone. :( Especially Cocopops. It's been a great year. I dunno what to say. I'm going to miss ALL the returnees. Especially those from my cell. Yas, Sue, Daryl, Chien Aun and Glenn. Gosh... why so many? We had fun times together. So much memories, so little time. And of course, the others. I dunno when I will see them again. But, at least, I got to know these awesome awesome people.

I saw him again last night. Was I happy? Yes. I was trilled to see him again. One of my main motive was to see him and I achieved that. He didn't have his glasses on which was a pity coz he looked mighty "hot" with glasses. Yes, busy snapping photos as usual. I peek at him a few times and was quite disappointed when I didn't have a direct view of him when we were sitting down.

As he was walking away, it suddenly occurred to me that this is useless. This is just pointless. Since the last time I saw him, I've partially gotten over him. And now, this? Why WHy WHY am I doing this to myself? Why am I torturing myself?? It doesn't seem right or logic to do this. Obviously, he doesn't even care, let alone bother about me. He just thinks I'm like all of his acquaintance, some random girl that just happen to pass through.Then, why do I care so much?

Yup. Should have stayed home instead.

But, then. Something inside me just tells me that he's just shy, maybe he's just scared to talk to me, maybe he thinks I don't bother? I don't care? That I think he's just another random guy? But, I do care! For real, I do care! I wanna care for you like there's no tomorrow.

These thoughts just make me wanna keep on "fighting". Somehow I'm still in it for the chance... a slim chance. Even if I die trying, I'm trying right? It's better than sitting around wishing for a miracle, a supernatural miracle to happen.

I am so frigging tired. I haven't felt like this in ages...

Work today was crap. I started work an hour early today because Lady Boss couldn't make it to work. And so, I had to wake up at 6! And! As usual... I couldn't wake up. I just couldn't!! My alarm went off and I immediately hit the snooze button and go back to sleep. Just when I was almost sound asleep, it went off again and the cycle continues. C'mon... it is cruel to ask someone to wake up at 6, some more on a Saturday.

So... I was sooo freaking sleepy. I literally had to strain my eyes just to keep awake. At one point, I seriously cannot stand it anymore. I was constantly staring at the clock ticking away, praying that time will go by quickly. Who knows, 5 minutes took FOREVER! Like seriously... forever. I am not exaggerating here.

Today was just one of those I cbb days where the "if u go one mile, I'll go two miles" rule doesn't apply. The whole day was just so draining, so hard to keep up. My brain was literally dead. It kinda made me think again about quitting. Damn this pattern of keep going forwards and backwards about this decision.

It's hurting my brain, I'll think about it tomorrow when I'm in the right state of mind. I'm going to sleep now.

Oh yeah. About my title, I shall start naming my entries like that if I cannot think of an appropriate title.

I'm so bored. Darn bored. Bored out of my frigging mind. There's simply zero thing to do.

"What to do?" is simply the question I ask myself like every 1 minute or worst every 10 seconds. That's how frigging bored I am. Ah... someone do something to amuse me please!!! I was so bored I did my Avril Lavigne inspired punk makeup for thanksgiving for the second time and went for a one hour walk around the neighborhood. I feel so good after that walk.

Aaannnnd.....

There's a bruise on my calf. I accidentally hit a tray onto my calf during work and it hurt for like one second. Then, a few days later a dark purple spot appears. The funny thing is its so freaking good to press the bruise. It just feel so freaking good to press and massage it. I dunno why. Just feels so.....good?

So, I've been massaging it until I realised, oh wait, its a bruise, its a pool of blood clot under the skin, in other words, I'm bleeding under my skin. And then, I go eww... gross... must put ointment. And then, minutes later, I go back to pressing and squeezing it.

Tomorrow... I'm going to prayer and then going out with Somphal and then going to the beach (at night). Oh... must start finding my punk outfit and wash out hair dye for the others. I'm thinking corset like what Avril wears in her Hot mv.

Ah the boring me has planned for tomorrow. Pathetic.

OH what the heck, I missed u. I really do. I don't want to deny it any longer. Denying it will not make it go away. I might as well live with it even if it hurts. Sometimes I wonder what ur doing right this moment, whether ur eating, sleeping, facebooking, driving, doing ur writing or working at church.

When I see couples, I cannot help but think how was it that they can get to that point. Someone must have made the first move. But, honestly, I just don't know what to do. I think I'm brave enough, I just don't know what to do and what to say. And circumstances are so against me now. I wished we were real friends so that it would make things easier. But again, if we were real friends would we still even be thinking of taking it furthur?

Sigh. I think I will suffocate if I don't see u. But again, ur not the air I breathe, so I think I'll be okay.

I didn't think it was one of the best dramas, given it was one of the popular dramas and it was named the best of the best. But, to me, its quite average. I give it a 4/10. Okay... intellectual, academic people will know that such rating is one that is below average.

The story line is quite the same as Goong. So, after watching Goong (which is the BEST Kdrama ever!! I SO recommend it!), Full House appears to be quite uninteresting. Well... I find that it got quite boring in the middle and the story line was abit off. It's like they just added a few bits just for the sake of creating a story or conflict. And it ended so strangely and I was like that's it?

And Rain... what can I say about him? Honestly, I didn't think he was the hottest Korean actor ever. Seriously!! Try comparing him to other actors, u will also agree that they are much better looking than him!! Like all through the drama, I was like how is he hot?? I don't think he has a good looking face and his eyes are way too small. And I don't find his smile melting coz when he smile his eyes go super small. And his hair at some parts of the drama, it looked like he just woke up. And his body, it looks too "incredible hulk". And the clothes he wears are too "girly".

But, nevertheless, the sound track did not disappoint! This is my favourite song. I love it!!!

It is funny.

Something has been bothering me.

I think I like him. But I'm not sure. I feel he's right for me. But I'm not sure. He seems like a nice person. But I'm not sure.

I saw him just now. It might be the last time I see him or even be in the same room with him. It was the first time I talked to him and by the looks of it might be the last. I don't think he took notice of me. Even if he did, I would still be another random chick to him.

Just being near him was a strange feeling. For one moment, I pictured us being together. Then, I just stared at him when he did the bible story. He just looked so amazingly good. I cannot help but smile. I tried to refrain from blinking my eyes to relinquish every single moment of that, just in case I might never see such perfect being ever again, just in case I might never have the chance to see him again. I love his humor, his friendliness, his spontaneous jokes, his passion for God and ROAR kids, his passion for photography and his love for martial arts and U2. I can tell that we have the same personality just by working with him for 3 weeks. But, who knows what his type is.

It's weird. It feels like I know him well yet we just met 3 weeks ago. Funny, I don't even know how I know this guy. I can't remember when, where and how I even knew his name before I even met him. It's so weird. It's like he just popped into my mind, out of no where. I know his name before meeting him for real which was 3 weeks ago!! I don't recall if someone introduced us or mutual friends or what. Before I knew it I was looking through his facebook page, his blog and looking out for him every time. AND! I don't even know how it started!!! How I even begin searching for him on FB or google. It must have started somewhere but I just don't know!! I also don't know how I even started liking him. It's so weird that I liked someone who I've haven't met but just knowing what's he like.

I think I missed him already. He's not mine, yet, I missed him. Does this spell torture?

Maybe its not meant to be. Well... if it isn't it isn't. But why is it still occupying my mind? Why am I typing like a silly, naive teenager? Ah... this is what Korean Dramas do to u. I keep feeling and thinking I will see him again under some unduly twist of fate.

Haih. Somehow, I feel satisfied that I've at least talked to him, even for 5 minutes. I'm glad. That he at least know of my existence.

Gotta love an exam testimony.

I had 4 exams in a week. The night before my first exam, I was feeling abit headache, so I slept. The morning after, still headache, so took two panadols and hop of the exam. And the headache was gone in an instant. So thank God of that.

Second exam was ok. I think better than ok. But don't want to count my chickens before it hatches.

Third exam was terrible. It was quite hard. I did freak out abit. But, hopefully all will turn out fine.

And I had another exam next morning. And this exam is one where I had to repeat coz I failed it last semester. After this crappy exam before, I did feel very discourage. I have to admit I did doubt God (abit). I doubt God coz He didn't pull me through this unit for last semester like He promised He will.

Because it is a law exam and it's open book, so there isn't much I can study beforehand. I tried some past year questions but I couldn't understand them, let alone do them. So... I decided not to think too much and go to sleep.

That night, I prayed to God. God, please give me the answers for these questions. Please give me peace tonight. Amen.

Next morning, I woke up feeling very very nervous. My heart was beating really fast the minute I woke up. For some reason, I decided to go early. I reached the exam venue around 8am and I bumped into my friend/coursemate Gerald. So, I asked him: "Hey, do u have the answers for 2008 sem 1 past year paper." And guess what he replied? Yup... all of u are smart indeed!! He said yes!! And he's like: "Don't worry we still have an hour left, enough time to copy everything." So... I copied.

Then, I bumped into CHARLENE!!! Coincidentally, she had an exam at the same time. So, we talked abit. It was good to talk to someone before an exam. It really lowered my nervousness. About 5 minutes before we had to go in, Charlene told me this: "Don't worry, all the best, GOD IS WITH YOU." At that point, I was like yes, God is with me. I am so sorry God, for even doubting You. You are with me and will always be with me. You've pulled me through many things. I am so sorry for even doubting Your love.

So, I went in and did the exam. And amazingly, the questions were similar to the past year paper, especially the ones I copied an hour ago. So, in short, I had the answers right before my eyes, I just needed to copy them into the booklet.

OH LORD, I prayed for the answers and I got them. I am amazed, jaw-dropped amazed. Friends, in times like these... we can forget how much God has done for us. We can let everything get the better of us. But, its times like these that allowed us to rely and depend on Him. So... Pray Until Something Happens because that's what's left to do when things turned sour.

PUSH.

I cannot believe exams are over. It has been one crazy week. No words can describe it. Seriously, I am trying to find the right word to describe this week.

I just want to thank God for the strength he has given me. It has been crazy but I couldn't have done it without God. I'm just so grateful for the peace. Just plain peace not letting stress and worries and nervousness get the better of me.

I also want to thank everyone. My friends for the "stress relief" and note sharing, my parents for driving me to exams, people texting me wishing me well, encouragement words from my boss. Thank you everyone for being my prayer warrior!!

Gah... I feel like crying now. Crying for no reason. This is what my awesome God does to me.