A cup of tea... anyone?

LTC retreat was awesome. Plain awesome. The only thing was that it was superrrr freezing. OMG... It was pure torture just trying to sleep when ur shivering and trying to warm up using ur own body heat. But, surprisingly, I managed to sleep alright, until my phone alarm went off for morning devotion.

LTC is sooo indescribably. I cannot describe how much up-lifting it was. It's just soooooo awesome.

And now, here I am... Back HERE again. I have SO MUCH to do. It's not funny. Just thinking about it makes me just wanna do nothing. I've said this before and I'm just so through with this. I'm tired. I have to redo this assignment that I don't know how to start and this test where I know I'm going to do badly. GAH. Save me....

When Aunty Marilyn was praying for me, she talked about bandaged scars, spiritual and physical damaged. I agree. Yes, I do have scars that I still kept from the past. Disappointment, disappointment with myself and with God and with everyone else. And then, it just struck me that how am I supposed to lead and be the leader that everyone look up to when I still have so much hurt in me. When I just feel so helpless, so negative... how? can I step up when there's too much going on??

After the session, I had to go away and locked myself up in the cold, squash toilet and prayed to God. I asked God to reveal himself to me. I NEED to know God will do this with me. I know God will do this with me. I know that once He have chosen me, He will walk side by side with me. It's just I need a reassurance. I need Him to tell me, yes... u will lead a flock and I will be with u all the way. That's all I needed to hear.

God, please reveal to me. Give me tentative ears to listen and a open heart to hear You. Lord, I want more of u. I want to give everything.

Lord, U have rescued me and I believe U will continue to do so.