A cup of tea... anyone?

*Editted*

Enough of emo post! It's new years dammit!

Oh yeah... Sonia, comment please. Don't just come in here and leave without saying anything!

... with a new font!!! :)

After last night, I don't think I'm a party person. I am officially a party pooper!

Why? Coz I don't know HOW to party! I don't drink, I don't know how to dance properly, I fail at camwhoring, I don't have the party attitude and I don't know how to freaking socialise.

Yup.

Clubbing is sooo out of my league. I don't really like clubbing. I mean first and foremost, I am not a party person and secondly, it's so freaking hard to talk over the loud, retarded music. Oh, have I rant about the music yet? DJ music sucks! I never liked those remix songs and even worst, those techno songs drive me insane! And of course the smoking from a neighboring crowd is enough to leave me breathless. Btw, who the heck wastes their sleeping time doing such things?? Well, for sure, not me....

I've only gone clubbing once during my 20th bday celebration, which btw I think is not really classified as clubbing coz its a diner place with a dance floor, bar and clubbing music. So, technically its not really clubbing.

I think we should bring back simple coffee and cake conversations. :D HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! 2010 is a pretty number.

I'm back here. It feels so weird. I miss Malaysia!! :( I had an awesome time in Msia. *sobs* I miss the family. *sobs* I miss everyone.

Okay... enough of emo-ing.

So, what did I do exactly?

Eat alot, shop too much, chrissy visits, family gatherings, church meet ups...

Actually, honestly, I didn't shop my heart out because there simply is nothing much to shop in Kuching. And we only had 1 day in KL. So damn sad okay? I swear I could have gone nuts in KL. But, I still got the stuff that I planned to buy. I brought 3 pairs of shoes (which btw, it is NOT SHOCKING! I could have got more if mum didn't stop me!), a jacket, 2 t-shirts, 2 bras, a book, a waist belt and an eyeliner. I didn't managed to buy bags coz I didn't see any nice ones.

In short, it was a good time spent in Msia. The people made it worth while. Huhu... I miss them all. I'm glad everyone is still healthy and well. Everyone and everything does make me think twice whether to stay in Aus or not. Family do make a difference.

Well, I'm back here. In the taxi from Melbourne Airport to home, looking at the street lights and reflecting lights from buildings afar, I couldn't help but smile at the beauty of Melbourne City. Melbourne is truly a gem. Going past the MCG, Southern Cross Station, the Westgate Bridge, the Yarra River and finally the familiar suburb streets, it feels like home again.

Hello peoples... I'm updating from Kuching. I will blog about it when i get back to Melbourne, which is approximately 2 days time.

Life in Kuching has been quite interesting. Although it's just been a short 10 days stay in Msia, it felt like I've been here longer, a month, maybe 2! Met all the people I needed to see! Brought all the things I needed! Unfortunately, I didn't eat all the things I wanted to! Well, I was down with bad tummy and diarrhea within 2 days of being here. So, I've stopped eating hawker food since then. LOL.

And! I brought an interesting book from MPH Bookstore. It's called "The 10 Most Common Objections to Christianity". It's got good insight!! It's mainly about apologetics, which is a subject I'm quite fond about but have yet to explore. It talks about evolution to whether God is real and the truth about the Bible. A real interesting read!! So, I'll be looking forward to read that on the flight back to Melbourne.

Hrmm... come to think of it, I do miss Melbourne. But, I will miss Kuching deeply. Especially, the people that have made the stay delightful!

One thing about having lunch at work...... that I find funny and weird.

Before lunch, I'll normally say grace even if its just a 15 minutes lunch of chicken and salad sandwich and a mug of mochacinno. The odd thing is after that, I will feel so happy and just so freaking happy? Like a peace wave just hit me! Like I'm on Cloud 9! Indescribable joy. Even if I have a bad morning, my mood will immediately switch to pure joy.

HAHA. The power of prayer. XD

Finally, I took up courage and walked into the cafe to hand in my resume. Well, it's a casual job at a cafe at Glen Waverley and they want an experience coffee-making person. Honestly, I was quite scared to go in. I was wandering outside the cafe for quite some time, before deciding to go in. HAHA. But I'm happy I took up all the courage. Infact, I walked out of the cafe with a smile on my face, just glad to get this over and done with.

I'm glad I followed my heart. Initially, I was quite hesitant to apply for it. I was having second thoughts coz I'm flying off on Sat and it would not be ideal if they call up and can't get through me. But, either way, it would be bad too if I waited till I come back coz the post might be taken.

Thank You God for the courage You gave me. I've done my part, it's all up to God now. If I get this job, which I roughly estimate a probability of 90% success, I will quit the bakery and work for this! DONE!

Damn it!! Writing about this makes me really really want the job!! ><

The feeling of last exam all over again.

Super duper awesomess happy. :D

Blood sweat pay + Christmas money + a pack of mince tart = :)

Shopping here we go! :D I NEED more shoes and bags. Emphasising the word "NEED", not "WANT". XD My mission in Msia is grab any shoe or bag that I see... HAHA!

Oh, and BIG HUGE congrats to my brother for beating me in his ENTER. In fact, he beat both of us. Well, it proofs that the youngest DO get the best genes. :p

And happy 22nd birthday to bigggg bro!!! Hehe... Hope u like the tiramisu cake!!!! :D

Today, at work, my boss's daughter was playing violin outside the shop to earn some cash. She was playing Christmas carols.

And, as I was listening to the songs, just singing a few lines in my head. One of the songs, which I cannot remember, had the line "Baby Jesus". And it just occurred to me that how can someone that do not believe in Jesus Christ play Christmas carols that talks about Jesus's birth and enjoying these songs. I mean, these carols talked about Jesus's birth and show that God really exists. That Jesus really exists. Yet she doesn't believe in the existence of God.

Ironic isn't it?

MALAYSIA in a weeeeekkkkkk......... Can't wait!!

Can't wait man!! Can't freaking wait!! I have this whole to-do list and TO-BUY list planned out already. Ah... I love how the Aussie dollar is so darn high. Perfect!!

3 more shifts left. AHHHHHHhhhhhhh.... I simply cannot wait!!!

I cannot wait to paint my nails in red and green Christmas colors. And maybe put those cute stickers on!! Coz since I started this job, I'm strictly forbidden to paint my nails or simply put anything toxic on my fingers in case I poison the customers. Oh, and by the way, I broke a nail today at work. =_=' So darn piss okay?

I still need to do Christmas shopping for stuff to bring back. I think I'll end up getting chocolates if I really really don't know what to buy.

Oh by the way, something interesting, did u realise lucky and luckily are just two syllables apart but have two very different meanings?

God, You said if I have You all is good.

But, why, why do I still feel the need to have all the other things? Things like money, success, good grades, a pretty face, fame and popularity, a boyfriend to love and be loved, and materialistic things. Why do I still crave for all these things? Nothing's ever enough. It's true nothing's ever enough. I want more. Sometimes we bite of more than we can chew. Why can't I wait? It's just not fair that others have more than me. I don't want to wait. I cannot wait.

Lord, please bring me back to my sensible self. Remind me again that Your grace is sufficient for me. That You are all I ever needed.

I read something interesting in a Christian blog. And felt the need to post something here. Please excuse my plagiarism.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind on first dates or at the outset of a relationship.

Men Should Be the Pursuers

It seems as if the women's movement many years ago has left an environment of men not knowing how to properly pursue a woman and women struggling with the desire to wait for a man's advances and a yearning to expedite the process.

God created man as the "hunter-type" to find (and protect) his wife. There's nothing wrong with letting a guy know you are interested or suggesting you should get together, however he should be the one who pursues you.

I hear from many women who get tired of waiting for a guy to ask them out and take matters into their own hands. The lack of initiative on a guy's part is often a precursor of what you can expect of him in a relationship and in his personality. Oftentimes the things that attract you to an individual at the outset are the exact things that turn you away later in the relationship.

Yup. Total fail in this area Sally! Seriously, I "died" after reading the title. MEN SHOULD BE THE PURSUER!! Women should just sit and watch. But, I thought this was the traditional view!! Who the heck thinks like that anymore? And besides, men take too long to come up with a decision.

But it's interesting about the last sentence, saying that a guy's lack of initiative will show later on in the relationship about how he acts and behaves and treats u in the relationship. I've never really thought of it that way. I guess its true that if women keep making the first move then men would not feel the need to put in any effort and thought into a relationship.

In short, women should do absolutely nothing. Won't it be great if all men understand? But, sadly not.

I saw a flyer about this "movie" when meeting up with the others at Hoyts Cinemas. It immediately caught my eye. It was amongst the other movies like 2012 and New Moon. The cinemas around Australia and New Zealand are showing this "movie". I was holding the glossy, black flyer with the Hillsong United icon on it. My initial reaction was :"Is this a joke?". It's a documentary made by Hillsong United, capturing what's happening in the world like poverty, injustice, war, crime, domestic violence and corruption.

Well, again, my mind couldn't help but think about the so-called celebrity status Hillsong now holds. I mean, they are listed in the Australian billboard charts and competing with other artists, selling albums like huge celebrities, having their own annual Hillsong conference and live concerts that everyone are desperately fighting for tickets, and even have their own recording company called Hillsong Music Australia. I mean, isn't it clear that Hillsong has made a name of themselves. And now, a "movie". Why am I not surprised? But are they taking it too far?

But, then again, I watched that trailer and the trailer itself touched my heart very much. I thought to myself, maybe I'm just being sarcastic. Maybe people will get saved by watching this movie. Who knows. Maybe testimonies of first encounter with God happens in cinemas! Who knows?

I am very happy. I cannot stop smiling now. I feel like screaming my lungs out. Oh God is good.

Well... yes. I passed. I finally passed!!! Like FINALLY!!! I am soooooo freaking happy. Words cannot describe. Ahhh......!!

I've been sort of worried about this for the past week or so. I was particularly worried about FM. I mean, coming from failing twice in 2 consecutive semester, I was prepared for the worst. And oh boy, the wait was torturous. Killing almost. I was doing everything I could think of to keep myself occupied to the point, I seriously couldn't stand it anymore.
My mind was going through the prospect of failing. One, Christmas in Malaysia will be torturous and unenjoyable. Second, I will have to go through another semester of hell, which will not be a good start for me. Third, I will have to go through the process of telling my parents again.

But, I made it. I made it. I did it. This is amazing.

*Edit* Oh and I just realize one more thing. Well, I told myself that if I fail another unit, I will immediately quit my job. And hey, I did not. So. hmm. Yup. So it shall be. My way of making decisions. Tsk... Tsk...

Something happened at work today. Nothing serious really. Well, my boss told me that a customer that ordered two loaves of bread a few days ago died yesterday and so he couldn't picked up the two loaves of bread today.

It just got me thinking. Death is a strong word. When I was young, I thought only old people experience death. That I'm still young and I don't have to worry about death. But, here I am hearing about people dying all of a sudden and young people dying from cancer or teenagers dying from a car accident.

It's true that we cannot predict when we leave this World. I'm glad to have God. At least I have reassurance that I'll be in eternity with God if he chose to let me leave this World. However, sometimes, I have to admit that I do second doubt whether I'll end up reaching Heaven or not. Like just then when I was writing this and pondering, a thought of not getting there did cross my mind. I mean, I've heard things like even Christians that go on mission trips, godly Christians that live their life for Jesus Christ ends up in Hell. And I've heard that God picks out the "good" and "bad" Christians and chooses some people to be with Him. But, of course, with everything, there comes rumors, theories and different stories. But, back to basics. John 3:16 explains everything.

Hearing about the customer who died (no disrespect whatsoever) is more a challenge than a reminder that death is real. We are created and placed onto Earth not because God has nothing better to do but because we are called for a mission. One, the great commission and two, being Christ's ambassadors. It's simply saying, everything u do, do it as if ur doing it for God. And I can say, I've haven't really shown that. I haven't really put my all in everything I do, my work, studies, family, friends.

This reminds me of a quote I read from The Purpose Driven Life. It goes along the lines of "Your days on Earth is a preparation for eternity with God". Life on Earth is just a temporary one. And I chose to live it for God. I will try.

So.... what have I been doing?

Working. Sad life indeed. Argh what to do man? Sad life it will be. I cannot sleep in, cannot stay up late coz I'm like dead after a day of work. And whenever something goes wrong at work, the thought of quitting automatically came back or maybe it's the other way round, I will regret not quitting earlier. Haih.

I've started picking up on piano. Yup. Honestly, I never liked piano. Since young, mum pushed me into piano. But, I have the skills now, so what the heck. As the bible said, put ur skills into good used. Hence, I've been practicing my chords and Hillsong songs. I found this great site with awesome Hillsong chords!! It's great. It even teaches u how to play some chords. Nice, for a rusty like me!! I don't even know how I even stumble on this site. Must be God's doing. Yup. One step closer to worship. Not like I'm aiming for it but working towards it.

I've been watching Taiwanese dramas, to improve my Chinese. Maybe I should borrow some Chinese books from the library tomorrow. I have to speak Chinese with my family okay? Esp. my 2nd aunt who will criticise me if I cannot say one single sentence. She'll be like, see... see... the result of going to Australia? U lose ur Chinese heritage. But, it still amazed me how I still can read Chinese after so long. Okay... since VCE Chinese, it's not long but still long. I'm half way through a drama without English subtitles!! HAHA. The drama's called silence with Vic Chou and Park Eun Hye. I will blog about it sometime soon.

Been spending too much. Oh gosh. Been eating out too much. Gosh... I need to save my tummy for Kuching. AH! I think I would be way too sick of eating out if this continues, which is bad coz Kuching = Eat out!!

And. I'm tired. Bed time!! It's not even 11 yet. Fail.

An ipod (preferably purple or red)








A cake mixer (preferably those that have a bowl like this, but if just the mixer then its ok too!)










A hair straightener

I keep getting comments that I sing pretty well. I'm just stunned at how many people have told me that. Whenever I hear that I sing well, I just pulled a are-you-kidding face and my eyes go so big that my eye balls are about to fall out and I give out an awkward laugh.

Sing? Me? No way. Last time, I told myself I would do anything for worship (Eg. play piano, dance) but I will never sing. Never. I will never hold a mic onto my throat and sing in high magnitude to everyone. I would go out of tune and embarrassed myself.

But, its good to hear encouragement from people to get me on the worship team. And mind u, it would need alot of pulling (and shuffling) to get me on the worship team. Maybe some of that thing called kaching? Oh did someone hear that, or did a bird just twit?

Other than that, going back in a month!! Wee..... For some reason, I'm excited to go back. I dunno why. It's just so exciting. I'm counting down the days which is quite unusual for me to do. I'm always quite nervous to see the family back home. But, its going to be good. I mean, heads up I know they will give me a hard time, but they are family so what can u expect?

Again, I have no pics. Fail. But, there are some tagged pics on FB, which I look good for once, thanks to the illusion of makeup, hair so straight from too much ironing, heels enough to grow my legs a centimeter longer and that dress, quoted from Ivie : That dress looks dangerous! Even mummy like my dress!! :)

The food was okay. I think I got the best combination! Salmon basket entree, steak and steam veggies main and choc pudding dessert. The salmon basket entree was soooo good!!! The best dish of the night!!

And so. Yeah. I'm going to miss everyone. :( Especially Cocopops. It's been a great year. I dunno what to say. I'm going to miss ALL the returnees. Especially those from my cell. Yas, Sue, Daryl, Chien Aun and Glenn. Gosh... why so many? We had fun times together. So much memories, so little time. And of course, the others. I dunno when I will see them again. But, at least, I got to know these awesome awesome people.

I saw him again last night. Was I happy? Yes. I was trilled to see him again. One of my main motive was to see him and I achieved that. He didn't have his glasses on which was a pity coz he looked mighty "hot" with glasses. Yes, busy snapping photos as usual. I peek at him a few times and was quite disappointed when I didn't have a direct view of him when we were sitting down.

As he was walking away, it suddenly occurred to me that this is useless. This is just pointless. Since the last time I saw him, I've partially gotten over him. And now, this? Why WHy WHY am I doing this to myself? Why am I torturing myself?? It doesn't seem right or logic to do this. Obviously, he doesn't even care, let alone bother about me. He just thinks I'm like all of his acquaintance, some random girl that just happen to pass through.Then, why do I care so much?

Yup. Should have stayed home instead.

But, then. Something inside me just tells me that he's just shy, maybe he's just scared to talk to me, maybe he thinks I don't bother? I don't care? That I think he's just another random guy? But, I do care! For real, I do care! I wanna care for you like there's no tomorrow.

These thoughts just make me wanna keep on "fighting". Somehow I'm still in it for the chance... a slim chance. Even if I die trying, I'm trying right? It's better than sitting around wishing for a miracle, a supernatural miracle to happen.

I am so frigging tired. I haven't felt like this in ages...

Work today was crap. I started work an hour early today because Lady Boss couldn't make it to work. And so, I had to wake up at 6! And! As usual... I couldn't wake up. I just couldn't!! My alarm went off and I immediately hit the snooze button and go back to sleep. Just when I was almost sound asleep, it went off again and the cycle continues. C'mon... it is cruel to ask someone to wake up at 6, some more on a Saturday.

So... I was sooo freaking sleepy. I literally had to strain my eyes just to keep awake. At one point, I seriously cannot stand it anymore. I was constantly staring at the clock ticking away, praying that time will go by quickly. Who knows, 5 minutes took FOREVER! Like seriously... forever. I am not exaggerating here.

Today was just one of those I cbb days where the "if u go one mile, I'll go two miles" rule doesn't apply. The whole day was just so draining, so hard to keep up. My brain was literally dead. It kinda made me think again about quitting. Damn this pattern of keep going forwards and backwards about this decision.

It's hurting my brain, I'll think about it tomorrow when I'm in the right state of mind. I'm going to sleep now.

Oh yeah. About my title, I shall start naming my entries like that if I cannot think of an appropriate title.

I'm so bored. Darn bored. Bored out of my frigging mind. There's simply zero thing to do.

"What to do?" is simply the question I ask myself like every 1 minute or worst every 10 seconds. That's how frigging bored I am. Ah... someone do something to amuse me please!!! I was so bored I did my Avril Lavigne inspired punk makeup for thanksgiving for the second time and went for a one hour walk around the neighborhood. I feel so good after that walk.

Aaannnnd.....

There's a bruise on my calf. I accidentally hit a tray onto my calf during work and it hurt for like one second. Then, a few days later a dark purple spot appears. The funny thing is its so freaking good to press the bruise. It just feel so freaking good to press and massage it. I dunno why. Just feels so.....good?

So, I've been massaging it until I realised, oh wait, its a bruise, its a pool of blood clot under the skin, in other words, I'm bleeding under my skin. And then, I go eww... gross... must put ointment. And then, minutes later, I go back to pressing and squeezing it.

Tomorrow... I'm going to prayer and then going out with Somphal and then going to the beach (at night). Oh... must start finding my punk outfit and wash out hair dye for the others. I'm thinking corset like what Avril wears in her Hot mv.

Ah the boring me has planned for tomorrow. Pathetic.

OH what the heck, I missed u. I really do. I don't want to deny it any longer. Denying it will not make it go away. I might as well live with it even if it hurts. Sometimes I wonder what ur doing right this moment, whether ur eating, sleeping, facebooking, driving, doing ur writing or working at church.

When I see couples, I cannot help but think how was it that they can get to that point. Someone must have made the first move. But, honestly, I just don't know what to do. I think I'm brave enough, I just don't know what to do and what to say. And circumstances are so against me now. I wished we were real friends so that it would make things easier. But again, if we were real friends would we still even be thinking of taking it furthur?

Sigh. I think I will suffocate if I don't see u. But again, ur not the air I breathe, so I think I'll be okay.

I didn't think it was one of the best dramas, given it was one of the popular dramas and it was named the best of the best. But, to me, its quite average. I give it a 4/10. Okay... intellectual, academic people will know that such rating is one that is below average.

The story line is quite the same as Goong. So, after watching Goong (which is the BEST Kdrama ever!! I SO recommend it!), Full House appears to be quite uninteresting. Well... I find that it got quite boring in the middle and the story line was abit off. It's like they just added a few bits just for the sake of creating a story or conflict. And it ended so strangely and I was like that's it?

And Rain... what can I say about him? Honestly, I didn't think he was the hottest Korean actor ever. Seriously!! Try comparing him to other actors, u will also agree that they are much better looking than him!! Like all through the drama, I was like how is he hot?? I don't think he has a good looking face and his eyes are way too small. And I don't find his smile melting coz when he smile his eyes go super small. And his hair at some parts of the drama, it looked like he just woke up. And his body, it looks too "incredible hulk". And the clothes he wears are too "girly".

But, nevertheless, the sound track did not disappoint! This is my favourite song. I love it!!!

It is funny.

Something has been bothering me.

I think I like him. But I'm not sure. I feel he's right for me. But I'm not sure. He seems like a nice person. But I'm not sure.

I saw him just now. It might be the last time I see him or even be in the same room with him. It was the first time I talked to him and by the looks of it might be the last. I don't think he took notice of me. Even if he did, I would still be another random chick to him.

Just being near him was a strange feeling. For one moment, I pictured us being together. Then, I just stared at him when he did the bible story. He just looked so amazingly good. I cannot help but smile. I tried to refrain from blinking my eyes to relinquish every single moment of that, just in case I might never see such perfect being ever again, just in case I might never have the chance to see him again. I love his humor, his friendliness, his spontaneous jokes, his passion for God and ROAR kids, his passion for photography and his love for martial arts and U2. I can tell that we have the same personality just by working with him for 3 weeks. But, who knows what his type is.

It's weird. It feels like I know him well yet we just met 3 weeks ago. Funny, I don't even know how I know this guy. I can't remember when, where and how I even knew his name before I even met him. It's so weird. It's like he just popped into my mind, out of no where. I know his name before meeting him for real which was 3 weeks ago!! I don't recall if someone introduced us or mutual friends or what. Before I knew it I was looking through his facebook page, his blog and looking out for him every time. AND! I don't even know how it started!!! How I even begin searching for him on FB or google. It must have started somewhere but I just don't know!! I also don't know how I even started liking him. It's so weird that I liked someone who I've haven't met but just knowing what's he like.

I think I missed him already. He's not mine, yet, I missed him. Does this spell torture?

Maybe its not meant to be. Well... if it isn't it isn't. But why is it still occupying my mind? Why am I typing like a silly, naive teenager? Ah... this is what Korean Dramas do to u. I keep feeling and thinking I will see him again under some unduly twist of fate.

Haih. Somehow, I feel satisfied that I've at least talked to him, even for 5 minutes. I'm glad. That he at least know of my existence.

Gotta love an exam testimony.

I had 4 exams in a week. The night before my first exam, I was feeling abit headache, so I slept. The morning after, still headache, so took two panadols and hop of the exam. And the headache was gone in an instant. So thank God of that.

Second exam was ok. I think better than ok. But don't want to count my chickens before it hatches.

Third exam was terrible. It was quite hard. I did freak out abit. But, hopefully all will turn out fine.

And I had another exam next morning. And this exam is one where I had to repeat coz I failed it last semester. After this crappy exam before, I did feel very discourage. I have to admit I did doubt God (abit). I doubt God coz He didn't pull me through this unit for last semester like He promised He will.

Because it is a law exam and it's open book, so there isn't much I can study beforehand. I tried some past year questions but I couldn't understand them, let alone do them. So... I decided not to think too much and go to sleep.

That night, I prayed to God. God, please give me the answers for these questions. Please give me peace tonight. Amen.

Next morning, I woke up feeling very very nervous. My heart was beating really fast the minute I woke up. For some reason, I decided to go early. I reached the exam venue around 8am and I bumped into my friend/coursemate Gerald. So, I asked him: "Hey, do u have the answers for 2008 sem 1 past year paper." And guess what he replied? Yup... all of u are smart indeed!! He said yes!! And he's like: "Don't worry we still have an hour left, enough time to copy everything." So... I copied.

Then, I bumped into CHARLENE!!! Coincidentally, she had an exam at the same time. So, we talked abit. It was good to talk to someone before an exam. It really lowered my nervousness. About 5 minutes before we had to go in, Charlene told me this: "Don't worry, all the best, GOD IS WITH YOU." At that point, I was like yes, God is with me. I am so sorry God, for even doubting You. You are with me and will always be with me. You've pulled me through many things. I am so sorry for even doubting Your love.

So, I went in and did the exam. And amazingly, the questions were similar to the past year paper, especially the ones I copied an hour ago. So, in short, I had the answers right before my eyes, I just needed to copy them into the booklet.

OH LORD, I prayed for the answers and I got them. I am amazed, jaw-dropped amazed. Friends, in times like these... we can forget how much God has done for us. We can let everything get the better of us. But, its times like these that allowed us to rely and depend on Him. So... Pray Until Something Happens because that's what's left to do when things turned sour.

PUSH.

I cannot believe exams are over. It has been one crazy week. No words can describe it. Seriously, I am trying to find the right word to describe this week.

I just want to thank God for the strength he has given me. It has been crazy but I couldn't have done it without God. I'm just so grateful for the peace. Just plain peace not letting stress and worries and nervousness get the better of me.

I also want to thank everyone. My friends for the "stress relief" and note sharing, my parents for driving me to exams, people texting me wishing me well, encouragement words from my boss. Thank you everyone for being my prayer warrior!!

Gah... I feel like crying now. Crying for no reason. This is what my awesome God does to me.

After the Consolidation workshop, I bumped into Angela on the shuttle bus. We sat together on the bus and we talked. Angela is my high school friend. She's also my workmate for almost 2 years.

So, we talked. She somehow brought up OCF, which is a surprise to me. Well, all this while working at the bakery, I have been telling her about OCF. It was a surprise to me coz I didn't expect her to remember (let alone listen to what I said coz most of the time, we're quite busy working at the bakery). And so, I told her more about OCF. Like how we have prayer meetings during exams and how we recently had a play and 5 people got saved.

Then, guilt just came in. If felt like God saying: Sally... look at this lost soul. What are u gonna do about it? Guilt because I didn't have the opportunity to invite her to this play. Well, because, we used to have the same Saturday shift until it got replaced to Monday and so I didn't get to see her much. Okay... it was partly my fault. I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY. But, excuses got the better of me. Excuses... like what I'm doing now.

The saddest thing was she told me she doesn't believe in God. I smiled, all I could do was flashed a smile. But inside, my heart just breaks for her. I mean, how can someone missed out on knowing such a great God?

God, I don't know what ur saying but please don't mess up my plans for next year. I do not intend to continue working at the bakery but somehow, somehow... things change. All through the bus ride, this quote comes up.

A quote by Pastor Miso,

"Are u just gonna let these unsaved people that u encounter during ur life walk passed u? Are u gonna just brushed shoulders with these people and do nothing??"

Lord, I dunno. There's too much to think about right now.

I'm scared.

Lord, I am scared. I'm starting to get into the panicky stage about exams. I'm just scared!! Not worried, but scared. My first exam is in less than a week's time and I'm just sooo scared about it. So scared that my heart will suddenly beat like nuts and 100 things will be racing through my mind.

Lord, I know You are in control BUT I still feel uneasy. I guess its just one of them human emotions. I'm just scared about things that are not in my power. I'm just scared of the endless possibilities that might happened when there's only 2 possibilities, pass or fail.

ARH! I'm going nuts. This two weeks will be so hard to live by.

Peace is what I needed right now. Peace.

P/s: I think I need to hire a "title naming" person coz I always run out of title names. LOL. This is evident that my blog has no title too!

Major studying time.

U can do it! AJA (My sad KDrama life!) !

Lord, thank You for giving me peace. Thank You for giving me strength when I feel tired. Thank You for helping me to stay positive. It's all I needed right now.

OMGsh... time does fly.
I cannot wait for this semester to end. It's coming... But I know all will go well.

God, I wished I was more sociable. Sometimes I wished I can just talk like nobody care. Make spontaneous joke even if it was a bad one or even just struck a meaningful conversation. God, I wished I can just fool around like the rest, be the loudest kid in class and not even care.

God, I wished I wasn't that shy. That I wouldn't blushed way too much. That I wouldn't break into awkward laughter or make awkward eye contact or hand gestures. I wished I can say something intelligent once in a while. I wished I can go on and on in a conversation without awkward pauses or one-lined statement sentences.

Sometimes I wonder isit because I'm too quiet, it comes of as I'm just an ignorant person, who doesn't give a shit about nothing? Isit because I'm too quiet that no one wants to even talk to me coz I'm just not interesting enough to talk to?

God responded. Sally, Sally, Sally... If u were loud, would u still be Sally? Would u still be the sweet person that everyone sees. A person that is easy to talk to? A person who's easy to relate to? I didn't create u so u can go and be someone else. I create u to be who u are today. To be someone special. And u are special in my eyes even if u're some loser in someone else's eyes.

I am special. I am special.

Today is a good day.

Thank You JESUS!!!!!

Having lunch with R.

Half smsing, half talking and eating with R.

ME: So... how's Shakers going?? *click click click*

R: Yeah. Good.

*paused*

R: There's ALOT of hot chicks.

*paused*

*Grins* He's waiting for me to respond (I was slow to respond coz I was smsing)

ME: =.='

ME: HEH? HOT CHICKS? ( I tot I had hearing problem)

ME: Wahlao... u go church to see hot girls isit? *shakes head*

Men.

I started my first day of a new term in ROAR on Sunday!!! And it was good!! Good to be in the purple tshirt again. The children learned about Joseph. It was inspiring to me, at the same time, motivating to me. We watched a DVD on Joseph and how he was sold off by his brothers and spent 2 years in prison and then became the right-hand man to the pharaoh and finally was reunited with his family after almost 8 years apart.

I am at awe of his faith even in such times. God silently spoke to me. He told me that ur plans are my plans too. It gave me hope that God is in control. It gave me a reassurance that God will take me through every valley and storm. Even though, there's so much uncertainty and so much struggle within me but I know God is always there. And I can always count on Him.

Lord, I pray for a faith like Joseph. Lord, I pray that u would give me a patient heart to wait for my turn. Lord, I pray for an open-mind to understand all that is happening around me. Amen.

OMGsh... I need to concentrate!!!

It's soooo hard to study at home. I've wasted the WHOLE morning doing nothing but, FB and Youtube. And exams is in 3 weeks. Dead. :(

I need the library. I wished the library was closer. Even the Mt Waverley public library requires 20 minutes walk!! :(

Concentrate. Must finish consolidation. :( Must study.

I love productive day. The satisfaction of it is very indescribable.

I finished another chapter and a half of cost!! :) AND! I started on my longggg overdue corp law questions!! :D

I finally got the green top. :) I was soooo happy the shop at BH have it!! :)

Then, I went to Missha to have a look at the BB Cream. It's much cheaper than the ones at The Face Shop coz same price but greater in volume. But, I only have tried those from The Face Shop but I think Missha's will work just the same.

Then, mum and I went to look at the cakes at those Asian cake shop. Just stared at them... for some people do say we "eat" with our eyes. I love those cakes!!! They are sooooo cute!!! The decorations and all. They are sooo cute u don't dare to cut them, let alone eating them!! Asian cakes are the best!!! Really beats those in Gloria Jeans or cafe cum cake shop.

Well... don't u just love a positive post? :)

Disturbing?

Disappointments.

I hate them.

But, it just keeps coming.

How do I stop them? Someone tell me?

But. I'm glad that I still have the energy to go on especially after 9 hrs of no sitting. Today begins my "Exam diet". Fresh fruits and vege and OH!!! Omega 3 for brain power and no sugar.

Just back from Alka's Sofia Dinner. To my surprise, I saw 4 familiar face. First. I saw the family from the bakery near uni. Then, I saw Moses from OCF Caulfield. Next, I saw James and Nam from uni. NICE.

Wikum claimed I'm popular. That's why.

I saw a pretty top which I absolutely adore. And 30% off (In other words, very very VERY cheap!) It's got flowy floral green fabric with a black lace around the chest area. But, I didn't get it coz the threads were abit loose and some of them were shredded. So, I didn't get it. But, I am going to check out the one in BH. Talking about it now makes me want it MORE. I sooo must get it.

So darn full. Can't sleep. Need to wake up at 6. Oh shyt.

I did zero work today. ZERO. OH dead. The weather was too good to just sit at home cracking my head about consolidation shyt.

SO... I went to Westfield Doncaster with mum.

I brought a few bras with my Westfield voucher. Like FINALLY I got to use that card! And used it efficiently too!!!

Treated mum for Japanese food. I would soooo recommend that stall in the food court. It's called "I heart Teppanyaki!". And true enough, its teppanyaki was damn delicious!!! Then I got a Bento Box for my brother.

I saw a silver dress at Forever New and thought maybe I should get it for Thanksgiving but I didn't get it. I'll maybe get it if it later on when they announced the theme.

Masterchef tonight! :)

I will do work tomorrow. Promise.

Ok so this is my testimony...

It goes like this.

On Sunday, I was feeling very sick, bad temperature and feverish with mighty huge headache (not exaggerating here).

I pretty much slept the WHOLE afternoon and night. I've never slept SO MUCH in my life. I drank buckets of water and ate as much oranges as I could. And mum boiled chicken soup for me. But, I still feel very very sick. Just thinking about work tomorrow kills. On the one hand, I feel so sick and want to call it off before its too late, but then I told myself I'll be alright. It's just one of those moments where everything sucks that I just cannot be bothered anymore. Well... this moment is the moment where I put everything with God and trust Him fully.

So... I slept and next morning, I woke up. I still had the usual headache but the fever had gone down considerably. I had breakfast, took two panadols and hop off to work. The first 2 hrs at work was killing. I had the worst headache ever and it was soooo cold even with the heaters on. But then, after talking to some customers, I kinda felt better. I guess the panadol kicked in already. I tell u, panadols are a miracle creation!! And after that, the headache was gone. LIKE COMPLETELY!

And guess what? I survived 9 hrs at work. YUP. NINE HOURS. I dunno how I did it. I was afraid that I would not last 9 hrs but I did!! And all through the 9 hrs I wasn't struggling or pushing myself to hard to get things done. Funny, it was like another normal day at work!! Even mum was surprised that I kept going, she was expecting me to call her up half way to get me home. And after that I even went for the cell BBQ but very tired of course.

Well... God is great isn't it? OH Lord... You give me strength when I most need it. I like how You amazed me. Keep doing it okay?

Consolidation...

Only accountants would understand.

It might as well just read as Condolences.

Even my joke is not funny.

Just thinking about it gives me headache.

*sigh* It's true accounting students lose their souls in uni.

*drum roll*

A pro in stalking...

Officially. I'm getting very good at this.

I am a genius. Sometimes I do wonder if I actually am THAT intelligent. LOL.

P/s: I hate that I get red too much. I dunno why. Suddenly poof red. I dunno why. It's a mystery. It looks like I'm drunk. That's why I hate it. I'm going in circles. I should stop.

God... You amazed me again and again. Over and over again. This is too overwhelmed. But I like every bit of it.

Enight was the most eye-opening thing ever.

Ah... God... You leave me speechless again. I seriously have no words to describe it. Seriously, I cannot find even a word to describe it.

In short, the place was 2/3 full. One person who was sitting outside whom I invited 30 minutes before actually turned up. The actors did great. The dancers were memorising. Pastor Chee spoke the most powerful 20 minutes message.

The night was simply superb.

My friends thought that the play was really awesome! They even suggest that they would pay for it. I was like wow... GOD! WHAT HAVE U DONE? They even said its better than last years.. Well, no offense but improvement is always good!

What touched me the most was several people were responding. Alka responded to the altar call. Believe me, it left me speechless. Before this I prayed for a revelation, that God will do something almighty, that God will be speaking to each one individually. AND GOD DID!

Wow. Nothing but wow. Wow God, You truly are what You are. I'm blown away by it all.

I finally finished an assignment a day before it's scheduled due date, which is very uncommon for me. Surprisingly, it turned out as the "easiest" assignment ever. LOL. The only hard part was the group work but eventually it all worked out. So... praise God!!

OMGsh... fasting FB is torture because I have like important messages on there and I cannot read them. But 2 more days left!!! That means 2 days to enight.

Btw, I managed to invite a few of my friends to come and they said yes!! God... u wow me again and again. Well... I did some convincing with some of them. LOL... my negotiating skills must be improving!! I think I nagged abit with some of my closest friends but its because we've known each other long enough till the point where we're too comfortable with each other.

Honestly, I'm excited but worried at the same time. I don't know how my friends will take it especially with the awkwardness but I know God will work His "magic" on the night!

I accidentally cut my finger again. This time my right index finger so it makes typing and writing difficult. But it will heal. It amazed me everytime when a cut heals itself without me doing anything. lol. I guess I'm easily amused by these things.

Passing by Chaddy....

Me: OH did u go to Chaddy VIP day?
J: Yeah.
Me: OH yeah... (apparently I say OH and YEAH too frequently)
Me: Did u get stuff?
J: Yeah, I spent $70.
Me: On what?
J: Clothing (How very metrosexual...)
Me: Okay.
J: What did u get?
Me: OH I didn't go.
J: What? WHY?
Me: Coz I forgot.
J: U forgot? I tot u would go?
Me: LOL. I don't keep track of these stuff. Besides I'm normally tired after uni.

And then the most demeaning reply from him.
J: BUT UR A GIRL! U're supposed to know all this stuff.

Right... yep. I feel very insulted. VERY.

Getting "abuse" from customers is not cool.

It is that one situation that I cannot speak up for myself. Well... from my point of view (note my view), it wasn't my fault. That customer might just had a bad day. Yet, I feel helpless. I cannot defend myself.

But, business policy = customer is always right. Business students... take note of this golden rule number 1 if u wanna make it big out there. So... I just let her have her 1 minute "moment" with me. Besides, it would be pointless arguing with her coz I would end up losing and might even look like the rude one.

But, I managed to find comfort in all of this and not let it get to my head. How can u not find peace? When the weather is sooo fine today! Thank you Jesus for ur comfort.

But. I got heaps of milk and egg roll. YAY!! This next few days will be full-on milk and egg with NUTELLA!!!!!

YAY!!

Old school Jay... I LOVE! This song... everything. It's quite funny, his old songs are better than now but he looks better now than before. So... it equals each other out. LOL.

Top lyrics.

Holidays... hurry up and come already!!

OMgsh... did u know the primary school students have 3 weeks holidays?? THREE! I know this coz my boss's daughter is in primary school. I would soooo love 3 weeks hols.

Well...

Primary school = 3 weeks hols
Secondary school = 2 weeks hols
Uni = 1 week hols
Work = 0 week hols

Hrmm... sums up the pattern of growing up very very well.

And pooey thing is that Melbourne Uni people already start hols! POO! AND! They have 2 weeks! TWO!!

And we have only 1 week. ONE!

POO indeed.

U are missed!

I went to my FIRST prayer meeting. :)

R u proud of me? Let me hear a YES!!!

I didn't put much thought whether I'm going or not. Well... I just went. I couldn't go to the other usual prayer meetings during the week coz of work and uni schedule clashes with it. So, since I have time and nothing else to do, other than sit in front of the box and stuffed myself, I decided to take this opportunity to go and pray for enight. Get excited people!!!!

After prayer meeting, I went to the Glen to go to the Bank. But, silly me, the bank was closed. wth... Who would have known the Bank would be close on a Saturday? I soooo didn't know that. Yes... and coming from someone majoring in Banking and Finance. Poo! Well... I guess they are "lazier" than their Accounting counterparts.

So.. I ended up walking around the Glen (like a loner). I saw pretty shoes in Nine West. The price is actually not bad. 130 for a pair, that means $65 for 1 shoe. Bargain right?? LOL. Ignore my nuisance. But really, it is worth the money since its Nine West, not some cheap gimic from Target or Kmart.

BUT! Control....... I'll get them once they go on sale. :) See... smart shopper. And I got face scrub from Priceline. :)

I hate group assignments. Gosh... these people don't want to do things properly. They either copy the book, have one or two sentences and that's it. And trying to meet up with them is such a pain. Grr.

And. FM MST went well, happy. Handed in corp law assignment, relief.

Company reporting mini test went so-so. I'm either not 100% sure of the answer or I'm guessing. But. Somehow, I have a good feeling about this.

Oh Lord, please let me passed my cost MST. This would soooo complete my week.

God is good. My phone tells me so. :)

My exam timetable is okay. It's all in a week but its all spaced out abit so that's good unlike last semester.

LOL. This is the first non-emo post since forever.

I keep getting dreams that I'm going out with someone. A guy. We are both happy.

Is God trying to tell me something??


The funny thing is when I wake up I cannot remember who this person is. No matter how hard I try, I cannot recall what he looks like, what he wears, how tall he is.... All I can remember is we walked hand in hand... smiling...

The rest is like a blury view.

U know those days where u are just so upset that u cannot cry? No matter how hard u squint for tears, it doesn't come? Well... this is how I feel now.

I had a bad day at work. It's days like these where I just think to myself WHY am I still in this job.

And then, I come home to nagging parents, an assignment that is now where close to finish and 5 lecture notes to remember, not to mention a test that I haven't even begin studying. T_T.

God! I cannot stand this anymore. I cannot do this anymore. It's too hard. I'm tired. I have alot on my mind. I don't know what's keeping me from quitting. There is nothing I like about the job. NOTHING!! I can just easily tell my boss and get away from all this stress. I want to concentrate on other things, not occupying my mind about these unnecessary/needless things.

Why am I doing this to myself? I just want to go to sleep now and forget about everything. But, how can I when I have alot to do?? God, u talk about perseverance, I have nothing in me, how can I persevere?

Lord, give me strength. One step at a time. Give me strength to keep up.

FM MST on Wednesday. PROGRESS: Still left to go through lecture 7 and sample MST paper.

Corp. law assignment due on Wednesday. PROGRESS: Oh gosh... still left Question 2, which I absolutely don't know what the question is about and my question 1 is still in a mess.

Company reporting mini test on Thursday. PROGRESS: zero. Yup. No joke.

Just thinking about work tmrw kills. I don't want to go. I DON'T! I wanna stay at home and study... I don't want to slave myself for 9 hrs, worrying about all these things.

Just imagine the anxiety... T_T.

It's days like these where I detest work more and have thoughts of quitting in my head. I dunno how I'm going to juggle everything, esp. when I will have alot on my plate next semester.

Oh Lord, please help me.

I'm banned from FB by God. OH. My Restaurant and Rollercoaster park is going to suffer.

U might think cheh, easy easy no problem. BUT! I AM REALLY A FB ADDICT!! There's a tab on mozilla just for FB and its the first one. Every time I see the tab and just had a sudden urge to press it. I even go on FB in the toilet thanks to free FB on 3.

So , its like, when I wake up and the first think I think about is "I need to check my FB". I NEED TO SEE IF THERE'S ANY STATUS CHANGE or I need to check if someone wrote on my wall or I need to check my Restaurant and Rollercoaster Park... etc...

LOL.

Self control is something I need to learn.

It's half way through the semester and I haven't been sick yet. Like feverish sick. It is amazing... truly amazing.... Other than the occasional overnight sniffles and headache, I haven't been really sick for 1 day. Well, spirulina and fish oil supplements have made me stronger.

LOL. We'll see during exams. I get sick ALL THE TIME during exams. Not funny k... OMG, last sem, I went through the worst period where I was very badly ill with spinning headache, sore throat but still went for exams. Like really! okay?? That was like the most depressing time ever.

*shivers*

I don't even know how I managed to still go for exams when I'm half brain dead. God pulled me through...

OH. Multigrain wavy chips!! MUST TRY!!! It is sooo crunchy!!! I wonder why it's wavy shaped tho... not the usual roundish shape that all chips have. BUT! It's sooooo soooooo nice!!!

I am sooo sorry for the previous emo post about LTC. NOW, this is the happy post on LTC. LOL. How Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde!!

It was sooooooo fun!!! We went to Snake Valley, Crystal Lake, somewhere near the Ballarat town. We stopped by Ballarat town and went to Beechworth Bakery which is a well-known bakery. LOL. I know this coz after seeing Beechworth Bakery's secret recipe book at Sars place.

Then, we reached the place. It was near a lake. It had a serene, quiet surrounding. Peaceful indeed. Then, we started our sessions and then had free time. The others played Captain Ball while Aunty Marilyn and I watched. Then, we played "Pumani". It was sooo fun!!!

Sue Ann cooked for us her ultimate roast chicken. We were sooo hungry that all we could hear were other people chomping on their food. All I could see were people "attacking" the chicken. Then, Kaitlyn sang her forfeit song. LOL. Ivie laughed too hysterically that I was afraid she might choke on her food. Then, the guys in Chee Kai's car arrived. So, session2 begins!

Then, it was sleep time. OMG... it was soooo freaking cold. The door of our cabin couldn't shut and we used Ming Huei's bag to keep it shut. It was sooooo cold. The coldest night ever. But I slept alright... surprisingly.

In the morning, Ming Huei told me she heard typewriter noise and I was like geez... I thought I heard like things dropping on the roof. I thought the wild ducks were flapping around the roof area. Then, We had morning devotion. And then session 3, which is an extended version of Jem and Chee Kai's session.

Then, home. Oh... how silent was the car ride home.

So... yes... 2 days in a nut shell.

LTC retreat was awesome. Plain awesome. The only thing was that it was superrrr freezing. OMG... It was pure torture just trying to sleep when ur shivering and trying to warm up using ur own body heat. But, surprisingly, I managed to sleep alright, until my phone alarm went off for morning devotion.

LTC is sooo indescribably. I cannot describe how much up-lifting it was. It's just soooooo awesome.

And now, here I am... Back HERE again. I have SO MUCH to do. It's not funny. Just thinking about it makes me just wanna do nothing. I've said this before and I'm just so through with this. I'm tired. I have to redo this assignment that I don't know how to start and this test where I know I'm going to do badly. GAH. Save me....

When Aunty Marilyn was praying for me, she talked about bandaged scars, spiritual and physical damaged. I agree. Yes, I do have scars that I still kept from the past. Disappointment, disappointment with myself and with God and with everyone else. And then, it just struck me that how am I supposed to lead and be the leader that everyone look up to when I still have so much hurt in me. When I just feel so helpless, so negative... how? can I step up when there's too much going on??

After the session, I had to go away and locked myself up in the cold, squash toilet and prayed to God. I asked God to reveal himself to me. I NEED to know God will do this with me. I know God will do this with me. I know that once He have chosen me, He will walk side by side with me. It's just I need a reassurance. I need Him to tell me, yes... u will lead a flock and I will be with u all the way. That's all I needed to hear.

God, please reveal to me. Give me tentative ears to listen and a open heart to hear You. Lord, I want more of u. I want to give everything.

Lord, U have rescued me and I believe U will continue to do so.

Wednesdays can just disappear all together.

I've had 3 bad Wednesdays in a row. Well, the first one was super emo, 2nd one I felt sick (tummy sick) having a too strong coffee and the 3rd one (which was yesterday), I swear for some reason the public transport seems to dislike me that day. Seriously, I missed like every single bus to and from uni. In the end, dad fetched me home and I reached home at around 7.30.

I'm afraid I'm going to get KILLED by Antoinette and Wen later. Two tutors/lecturers that I am very very afraid off, coz I didn't do any tute work for this week coz I was busy preparing for my MST and presentation for Friday. Ah... I'll just bullshit something if they asked me a question. I can't help it ok?? I'd rather put more time into assessments and ace my test even if it means getting scolded by them.

One hour from each of them. BE PATIENT.

This song is HOT!!!! SMOKING HOT!!! I cannot get over this freaking HOT song even though I have no clue what the heck they r singing about. It's sooo addictive. Seriously... everything about this video rocks. The beat, dance moves, clothes, singers, makeup, the hot car, CL's hot laugh at the end, the robot dance in the middle etc...

CL is super hot with her mohawk and daring dance moves.
Dara is shocking man... Gangster Dara, never before seen version of her. She's normally the sweet, cute one.
Bom. Bom is sexy man..... with her playsuit.
Minzy. Nice top.... One point she revealed her bra, how hot can it get??

OH and G-Dragon goofing around at 3.20, completes the video.

They have 2 versions of this song, one in street (this one) and space setting. I like this one compared to the other one.

Who would have known girls would look hot in sneakers....

I made a my-version of black forest cake.

Why "my-version"? Coz I use butter sponge instead of chocolate sponge and not cherries but plum jam and I cheated with chocolate ganesh. LOL. The "original" one should be just chocolate sponge, cherries, kirsch (cherry liquor) and double cream. Mine is butter sponge, plum jam, choc ganesh, double cream and choc sprinkles and strawberries as garnish.

It should be yummo. *edit* It is yummo!!! Much like the ones from the bakery but cheaper!! Pictures to come. Btw, it's for my bro's 18th. HAPPY 18th!!!

Man... I should maybe give up accounting and do a culinary certificate or cooking course of some sort.

Btw, I went to aerobics class with mummy in the morning. Since it was my first time, I didn't have to pay anything. Gosh... they were ALL middle aged women. I expect the trainer to look hotter and more toned, but she looked like an average person. LOL. At first, I was like, easy peasy no problemo. BUT! I had trouble following her steps, which explains my lack of hand-eye coordination. AND! I got tired even half way through the first session. LOL.

But, I wouldn't pay for gym sessions. I would rather spend the money on food then that. HAHA. I'm such an irony sometimes. Besides, I (try) to walk home from the bus stop twice per week. AND work is almost like a workout, not to mention uni stress can burn calories too, esp. all those mental/brain killing accounting problems.

Talking in pure Malaysian with my REAL MALAYSIAN cousin on MSN is super awesome.

I use words like

lo
ma
arh
ho
yaloh
NGAITI
liao
d (Msian short form for already)
lah (classic)
leh
meh
got
wan
nia


Yup. I feel all Malaysian again. I wouldn't use those words here, not in civilized Australia since it's obviously broken english but what the heck. Msian to Msian, no harm right??

I just love plain, simple conversations where we can get as casual as we like.

Today. WHAT A DAY!! Today was a complete disaster. Disaster indeed. Wednesday is always a disaster.

On another note, I was reading my FM textbook in the library when I my eyes came across the word or abbreviation "OCF". And my mind immediately switch from the library to the wonders of OCF in R3. lol. It made me happy for one second and then I was like wth... Btw, it reads as Operational Cash Flow. =_="

OH! Happy Chinese Valentines Day!!! I LOVE ALL OF U!!!

I DO remember the legend!!! Well, briefly. It's about a cowherd and a weaver and how they are allowed to only meet once per year (hence the day). Then, some swallows (isit swallows? or some other bird species?) felt pity and sympathetic towards the two as they were missing each other and very unhappy. So the swallows decided to make a pathway for the weaver so she could reach the cowherd. Ah... touching indeed.

I am so frustrated right now. I'm so frustrated with accounting. I cannot cope with this. It's soooo stressful.

WHY?

I can't do one question. I spent the whole frikking night trying to figure how how how to do this stupid thing. I seriously wanna cry now. It's too much. Like seriously. It's so damn HARD. AND! having a strict tutor isn't helping. Like seriously, she checks ur homework and picks on u and humiliates u in the class.

My head hurts everytime. It makes me go insanely insane as proven by this post.

OMG. Accounting. T_T. It is THE pathway to hell. Kids, listen to ME! DON'T DO ACCOUNTING!! If u want to STILL have a life. Seriously.... the money isn't worth all this shit!!

This sucks.

Today, I did my last Saturday shift.

Yup. Finally. FINALLY. FINALLY. It feels like a huge thing lifted of me. I feel great relief. It's not like I hate the Saturday shift, I actually enjoyed it. But, just... it feels great to have my weekend back again. I can go to gym with mummy!!!

As of studies, its slowly catching up to me. There's soooooooo much that needs to be done. Not to mention 2 MST in 2 weeks. Seriously... I feel so helpless. I feel like giving up. I've lost my motivation. I'm just so over studying now.

Sometimes I asked myself whether all this is worth it, whether "killing" myself over a degree is worth it. I know, such a stupid rhetorical question as the answer is an obvious yes. I am worried about everything. I dunno why. I do enjoy what I learn, I'm interested with everything my course offers that is if there isn't any assessments or exams. But sadly, it isn't called a degree for nothing. They really make u work hard for it. I'm scared I won't cope with all of this. I'm worried of slacking off. I guess failing twice in 2 consecutive semesters has downgraded my confidence. But again, everyone tells me that I'm a paranoia and I get worried about absolutely nothing.

Sigh... I hate studying. T_T That's why I am seriously contemplating on switching from double degree to double major.

Somehow I wish I can get through this semester without even having to do any work but again, I know... such thinking would be detrimental.

Can u feel the love tonight??



YES I CAN! ^_^



Gah! I cannot wait till next week. It's too long. The thought of it is torturous BUT it is ok. Surprisingly, it gives me something to look forward to. The thought of it just makes me smile deep inside.

Ironic much?? Keke...

Milo bun.

A soft roll and abit of margarine and a whole slob of milo!! YUM!!

ZOMG! Beats anything! Beats nutella too and I'm not ashamed to say that!!

It cures all cravings and cost just about nothing. Just open the pantry, get a roll from the bakery (for me free la!) and...

WAHLAH! 5 minutes of pure indulgence.

NPMM was a new experience for me.

I am blown away by it all. Funny, I was very eager to go. I didn't put much thought into deciding whether to go or not, it was more like a spontaneous decision. And u know how indecisive I can be.

Even though we got in late, I could immediately sense a "spiritual" rush once we entered the place, quite like opening a hot oven with gushing hot air at ur face. That's how it felt, sudden, unexpected embrace of spiritual energy. Actually, I was quite tired. I'm always tired during OCF. LOL, try asking everyone and they will agree too. But, just entering the place brought back much needed energy.

Well, NPMM is a time where all the OCF centres come together to pray, all in the name of missions. So, what we did was we prayed for the different countries, mainly in the Asian region. When we came to Malaysia, I just couldn't contained it. It's true what they say, once ur a Malaysian, ur a Malaysian forever regardless. Seeing the Malaysian flag after soooo long reminded me of the nation I grew up with. It reminded me of the family esp. my aunt and my grandma who are not with us anymore. I had flashbacks of different events, different people, friends, "not-so" friends, teachers, GB, church.

In short, I have never never never had such experience before. It is very indescribable. It was like a fire burning, a sensation in my chest. Quite a supernatural experience. It's just a rush of everything. At one point, I didn't think I could consume everything, all the spiritual emotions and everything. It was an overflow of everything.

How great God can be huh?

Jealousy is an evil creature.

Why can't I look at couples and celebrate their love?

Why can't I look at HD students and congrats them for a hard work repaid?

Why can't I look at KPMG interns and smile at their big break into the corporate world?

Why do I smirk at barbie doll girls?

Why do I cringe at people who have exceptional talent?

Why... when all of those are God given things???


Jealousy... sometimes I do not realise ur evil claws. SHHOOO......

I'm looking at pics from our cell outing and other cell outing. Gosh... I feel so left out! *sniff* There will be not much of me in pictures during the end of year cell screening. *sniff*

But not turning up was all my fault, my stupid schedule to be exact. I have got work on Sat but I so gladly skipped it as u all probly know I don't give a damn about work. But, all of a sudden, I remember that I've got ROAR duty and no, I cannot skipped it since I skipped it last week to help out with Monash Open Day and we're really short on ROAR volunteers.

Gosh! I'm only a student and I already have all these responsibilities. It feels so unfair!! I'm not even an adult yet! ( I'm not 21 yet!!) and I'm already running around here and there with something that needs to be done. Why can't I be free like the rest?? *sniff* Why can't I have fun like the rest??? *sniff*

They say to children in poverty and neglect that their childhood are being robbed away. I say my "pre-adulthood" has been taken away.

I have a feeling my life will be like that in years to come especially in such competitive business arena where it literally is like the saying "the early bird gets the worm". ( LOL... feeling all poetic today!)

But, I will SUCK IT UP!! After all, it truly is preparation to the tough, unforgiving adulthood and working life.

I'm slowly getting used to all of this...

What to do with a $50 Westfield gift card???

I was thinking of spending it on my Thanksgiving outfit. Yup, the organised freak I am, already thinking miles ahead.

Today is a real bad day for me. The day was really bad that at one point I found myself unconsciously singing to Daniel Powter's Bad Day. wth. I surprised myself sometimes too.

First, I missed the shuttle bus by a minute. What makes things worst was that I purposely wake up at 6.30 just to catch that bus and it didn't wait for me. As a result, I was late to my lecture. The next bus came 20 minutes later and the traffic was horrendous in the morning. In plain, the ride was very depressing but I managed to sleep a while.

Then, I had to see my Corp law lecturer to discuss why I failed it last semester. I swear I could just cry right there. But, I'm glad I went to see her and how helpful she was. It was really a step to get over this.

And then, I prepared for the wrong tute. I feel so freaking DUMB. I thought I had Company Reporting tute. But turns out it was Fin Mgmt. Darn. But, thank goodness the tutor didn't ask me anything. OH! Someone in my tute looks like Kim Bum!!! I was staring at him for quite a while and then it just struck me. He looks familiar. I had an "ah yes" and "omg" moment with myself.

*sigh* I comforted myself with a custard tart. So tired now.

I am an Accounting student with an unBALANCEd life. Yup. That spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R.

Finally week 3. Getting back onto the study rollercoaster is quite hard. I've been trying to push myself when there's no force behind me. Procrastination. Ah... the depression of it.

I'm thinking of volunteering for the design team for E-night. But, I'm not sure with my busy as schedule where I barely have enough time for myself. It would be a challenged trying to fit another major responsibility. But, it's the one that appeals to me the most. I will pray about it still.

I've heard others say that I am shy. I am NOT SHY. I can talk non-stop if u like. It's just u catch me at the wrong time. But nvr mind, shy is good. At least I have a supposedly reason not to say anything right??

My Mp3 died. :( It died with all my Jay Chow songs. Not funny ok? How am I supposed to sleep without his songs??? HOW???? :( How am I supposed to wait for the bus, in the dark and cold without his songs?? Emo.

I want to get a hair straightener. A mini one maybe. LOL.

Someone I know just got dumped by her boyfriend. It kinda makes me think how superior human power is to have one thing by a click of a finger and decide to leave in a hand flick coz u had enough. And this superior power once again recites in the male kind. Get back to ur own two feet again girlfriend!! The world is an ocean of endless possibilities!!

That's all.

I've finished Coffee Prince. O.M.G I L.O.V.E IT!! I cannot get enough of it!!! I wish I have a boyfriend like Choi Han Kyul. He knows how to treat a lady. *screams* Gah!! It's soooo cute and romantic and soooo sweet. I melt at all their sweet scenes. It's too too sweet. I love a happy ending. I love K dramas coz they all have happy endings.

Now, every time I make a coffee at work, I will think of Coffee Prince and smile. LOL.

I went over to Sarah's apartment and stayed the night over. Then, next morning I head off to Monash Open Day. Then, I went back to her apartment after my shift is done.

I want an apartment like that and a boyfriend like Choi Han Kyul where I can cuddle up on the couch. Saying so, my life would be complete. Yes, no, can u repeat the question?

Let's see... uni, uni and more uni. I've got my uni things organized. I love my timetable coz I have Monday and Tuesday off!! I'm only working on Saturday for the next 3 weeks and then my boss is going to reshuffle everything. So, that is a plus.

I've been watching Coffee Prince on youtube. It's a smashingly awesome Kdrama. The soundtrack could be better. But I love the lines, its different to the rest. It's about this girl who pretends to be a boy to work in this coffee shop. The coffee shop is called "Coffee Prince" (hence the title) and only employs guys to work there. During the time working there, the manager falls in love with this girl but always thought the girl is a "he". Hence, he starts questioning his sexuality. I still dunno the ending as I am half way through. I'm going to get scolded very badly by my brother for using up the internet credit. Gosh...

Anyway, I better get a head start for uni. :)

Btw, my brother has started on his honours program. I am sooo proud of him. So, recently, he's been spending his time in the MIMR lab (at Clayton Medical Centre) working on his stem cell research project. It's very weird coz he is usually out the door before I wake up and back when I've gone to bed. LOL. I am glad to see how good God is working in his life. All our prayers have been answered coz initially he didn't make the cut but his appeal was successful so really want to thank God for that. Next, I'll be praying for a girlfriend for him. LOL.

Company Reporting lecturer in her own words:


"You all look

happy, smiley, lovey, duvey and cheerful...

by the time u get to week 7,

u would look

frail, pale and tired,

wishing u were never here..."


And that's only week 7??? What will happen by the end of it all? We will be dead and gone?? *cue TI and JT's dead and gone music*

Words of wisdom turned into words of discouragement. Yup.

There must be more to life.......





or this is it?????????

Yesterday, kids church was a blast.

I had a go at the announcements. Fun times, especially interacting with the kids and doing the birthday song There weren't any visitors which was a huge bum for me. There was this one girl who got so upset and wanted to go back to see her mum but eventually stayed till the end. I guess kids church is that exciting huh?

U Wen came to do the Bible story. I must say he's good looking. Tall and dark and specs. HAHA. Funny... he looks better in person than in pictures. The way he spoke to the kids was quite intriguing. I thought he would have a deeper Aussie accent but no, but its still very ABCish tho.

Yes... I do analysed people.

Btw, I'm STILL searching for Jay Chow's Secret. I went to BH yesterday but couldn't find it. I guess I'll wait till I go back to Msia. But, given the circumstances, I'm not even sure if I can go back this year. T_T. I have got this whole list of to do things and now, by the looks of it I might need to postpone it. T_T.

Anyways... 2 more days till uni starts.

*sigh* I need to be ready for another crazy semester. But I am not!!! I am not ready.... Good thing is I have 2 more days to be emo, then, I need to chuck all my emotions out the window and storm ahead.

Yup, storm ahead it is.

I needed time to suck it all up. I thought it might take longer for me but I do surprise myself at times. It's slowly sinking in.

I hate hearing other's success. I envy them, all their success. When I look at myself, I don't understand why I'm such a failure. I feel like a bum. A huge bum.

It's gonna suck.

God, I hate when u change all my plans. U know I'm an organisation freak. I like things to be prefect, in order. Now that You've messed up my plans, I dunno what to do, I dunno what lies ahead.

I can only suck it all up.

Morning, I woke up. Swollen eyes. Spinning head. If u look at me now, I look like a living corpse.

I wake up hoping everything was a huge nightmare but no, it is real. It is happening. It is part of my pathetic life. Don't u just hate that feeling?

I have to pick myself up.

It sucks.

But, I have to. I don't want to but I have no other choice.

I need to pick myself up asap.

God help me.

SO... FREAKING UPSET!!!!



S.H.I.T is the word....



End of story. Chocolate will get me through this. And abit of shopping. And abit of pumping music in my ear.


I just want to dig a deep deep deep hole and live there forever.

:'''''''(

I feel like a stalker.

O.M.G.

I am a stalker.

It's not my fault that someone doesn't understand the importance of the term "private profile".

So... technically, I am free to do whatever I want.

HAHA. This is the result of having too much time and nothing to do.

I just weighed myself. Holy crap!! :( This says it all.

CRAP

CRAP

CRAP

Alright... enough of the crap. My mission now is to lose 10kg before my Msian holiday. I'm signing up to gym classes starting Saturday. Oh, and that means no more custard tarts! T_T

But, I will do this.

For my health and also to regain my hotness and also to prove those pathetic relatives how wrong their judgments were.

This is it. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. :)

ROAR started today. :) I had a fun time doing face painting for the kids!!!

I need to stop being emo.

Looking at the kids today, they are so free, so easy. That's what I missed about being a kid, its the freedom to do ANYTHING, no hurdles, no obstacles no OBJECTIONS etc... Just free like a bird.

They are soo carefree, no worries, no problems, no RESPONSIBILITIES whatsover. They don't need to make decisions or choices. They just go with the flow and take whatever comes. I guess as we grow older and mature, "relax" and "take it easy" is not much of a thing in our system now. It's more of a take and run kinda thing.

It was good to see all the kids again. Btw, there is another reason why I'm excited about kids church. Go figure!!

My uncle brought me 2 boxes of paint. TQVM! Now, I can paint. :)

Love this Remix. Hot guys. Great song. Great moves. Can u believe most of the guys are around my age, eg. 20ish??? Darn. They look much older.

I need to learn Korean. Kaka...

Back from Adelaide.

It was quite a stressful trip, mainly because we were rushing every single time. And mum was giving me the shyts the whole time. We went around Adelaide CBD .The transport ticket is ridiculously cheap and the weather is absolutely fab!!! Why can't Melbourne weather be like Adelaide?? Their winter is like autumn or pre-spring!!!

Then, we went to a German village, it was very cute!!! We had German sausages for lunch, it was yum!!! The cakes look familiar to me coz I work in a German bakery... HAH, hence, I didn't get anything.

Then.... long long LONG train trip back to Melbourne. I slept on and off the whole way back. It's quite relaxing actually, much much better than plane coz there's pretty things outside the window. And quite educational as well, coz there was voice over of information about various towns, like a tour kinda thing. :)

Did u know the town of Ararat was a Chinese settlement????

But, I'm very happy to come back to Melbourne. Even, arriving back into Victoria alone is pure joy!! Victoria, the place to be!!! :)

The Swine flu is starting to worry me. I don't even know how this thing started!!! At first, it didn't look that serious even though there were over 200 cases here in Melbourne and almost 7 deaths in Australia. I thought everyone was making a huge fuss over nothing but its starting to worry me.

GM who went to camp with us over the weekend was checked with swine flu in the airport when he went back to Singapore. He's from OCF Caulfield and there were 2 Caulfield people in the same bunk with me. OH MAN. The chances of contraction is quite high, especially if u have previous contact with the "Swine flu victim".

The thing I'm worried now is going through the airport tomorrow to take my morning flight to Adelaide. What if I got check as positive swine flu??? That is going to be super scary. That's why I'm half freaking out now. Plus, my brother is complaining of back pain. Mum's really worried now. And when she's worried, she nags and complains non-stop.

I hope I can passed the gates with ease. Speaking of passed, next week results will be out. I am sooo freaking scared. So very.

I HAVE TO PACK AGAIN!!! DUH!!!

Another stressful entry... I am so very extremely sorry.

Today, I went into the city with mum. It's been soooo long since I've been into the city.

It was good to be in the midst of oceans of people. I love love love the small walkways in the city!!! It's so so so chic!!! Especially the very vintage looking cafes and glamourous boutiques on both sides of the walkway, so uber cool!!! We went to mum's office at RMIT and then to the RMIT library coz mum needed to borrow some books.

There were sales everywhere. T_T It's like ur on a high when u see a markdown item and then a depressing low when u cannot get ur hands on it. I have to save up for my Adelaide trip DAMN IT!!!

Mum and I went for Vietnamese lunch. It was good. But the lychee drink was a huge rip off, it was nothing but ice, syrup and water and a few longans. Super rip off man!!! Mum said its only worth nothing but 20 cents. But other than that, I'm sure to go back again. Food was delish!

I also handed in my hours to my boss. I'm quite anxious actually. I need to get less hours, I need to!!! I don't care what day I work I just need less hours DAMN IT!! I've been praying about it, God should do something. It needs to work this time but no, I'm not putting huge expectations on it. Remember... expectations leads to behaviour from camp?? I'll just take what I can get. But, negotiations is always doable if all else fails. :)

Ok... this is a stressful entry. *breath* Tomorrow I will be helping out with International enrolment at Caulfield. Time to sleep early. :)

I WANT TO SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!! Seriously... why can't these people give me a break. Stop talking over me!!! I need to chill!!!

Anyway, just got back from winter camp.

My review? It's okay, not bad.

The speakers were very very good. That was the best bit. OMGsh, one advice I would give others attending such camps is to bring packets of tissues coz really, I bet you that one session is sure to leave you with tears, uncontrollable spritual tears. Worship was awesome, the Clayton team pulled it off very well. The food could be better, perhaps 7/10, especially the late night supper. I wished we had more time with our cells like more activity as a cell and more group discussion but other than that was alright. To be honest, I didn't have much expectation of the camp. Actually, I signed up quite reluctantly. I have no idea why, just that there wasn't any excitement, nothing jumped up to me. Infact, I signed up only 2 weeks before camp.

The difference between WC and EC was that I made the effort to mix with people. I tried to be as friendly as possible, like a simple hello or good morning or smile just to struck a conversation. I had conversations everywhere, while waiting for the loo or the lunch line or couch conversations or bed conversations or by the wood fire. HAHA. I got to have heart to heart talks with few people. So, that was good. Also, I was able to get to know some people from OCF Clayton that I never had a chance to talk to. So, that was good.

So, all in all, I did have a good time. I did have a deeper encounter with God. God brought me back. It definitely created some questions in my mind. I have built friendships that I know will last.

I went for my haircut. It looks quite flat actually. But, from the distance, it looks alright. But, I know I'll be fine after a shower. It better better better look good after the shower or else winter camp over the weekend will be a huge drag.

I met lady boss after the cut, it was very very awkward. I cannot emphasise how awkward it was. I tried to pretend, like I always did but it all fails. And, yup, the awkward conversation. GAH.

Speaking of which, I need to tell my boss of times I can work. I am very very tempted to lie about my hours but, I will respect him and commit to my integrity. *sigh* It's sooo hard, on one hand I feel so gutted if I have to work long hours but at the same time, I feel very bad if I lie about it. GAH. I have to pray about it. God, please for once, be good to me. Pretty please?

Then, we went to Harvey Norman coz mum wanted to check out the couches. Then home. I need to pack for Winter Camp. For some reason, I'm not very excited about this camp. It's more of a mixture of excitement and anxiousness. HAH. I hope they have heaters there. Whoever is sharing room with me will really have to put up with my sneezing and block nose and maybe snoring? LOL.

To emphasise on the title, JAY CHOW IS SMEXY. He sang in Taiwanese dialect for one of his old songs. OMGsh... hotness meter magnify by 10 times. His voice is soooo freaking sexy. The mumbling makes it 10 times sexy. Don't even try to argue with me, no, I'm serious, don't.